How To Make Friends As An Adult

How To Make Friends As An Adult
Carly Jacobs
how to make friends as an adult

I’ve been circumstantially blessed (not sure blessed is the right word here but it’s been one less thing to do in my life) with not having to make friends as an adult. This is mainly due to most of my friends moving to Melbourne at the same time I did about 9 years ago. The remainder of my friends still live in my hometown where I visit very frequently. There’s also the fact that I hit the friend jackpot super early in life and have had the same friends since I was a teenager so I haven’t felt the need to really mix it up much as a grown-up. I think most people looking to make friends as an adult do it out of necessity. They’ve moved cities, possibly countries, maybe had a breakup or lifestyle change that means their old friends aren’t as available to them anymore.

Just because I haven’t yet had to make friends as an adult, doesn’t mean I won’t so I thought I’d put together a post for future me to refer to when in a few years down the track I find myself living in Japan for a year (10/10 on the cards for me) and I’m trying to scout out some locals to have Sushi and Sake Saturdays with. This is obivously also for those of you who are finding yourself at a loose end most Saturday nights and are looking for some rad people to change that…

how to make friends as an adult

1. Say yes to everything

All the invites – go to all of them. You never know where your new bestie will be hiding. I met my adult bestie totally by accident when I auditioned for a play she was putting on. I almost didn’t go to the audition because I hadn’t heard of the company before (because they were brand new!) but I forced myself to go and seven years later I shudder to think about how less awesome my life would have been if I didn’t get up off my butt and go to that audition. And I wasn’t even looking to make friends! The point is, if you’re looking for some new people in your life, be a joiner. Go to group dinners where you don’t know anyone. Put your hand up to go to a gig if a mate puts a random shout out on Facebook. You’re not going to find new friends in your own living room. That’s not generally where they hang out.

2. Poach friends

If you’ve met a friend through a friend, ask for their number. One of my closest friends I stole from Mr Smaggle. We used to hang out in a group and then we slowly started hanging out on our own and now we text each other five times a day. I’m heaps into friend stealing. Obviously be respectful about it and include your mutual friend in your hangouts but I have heaps of friends who started out as friends of other people. It’s the most logical place to look. If you like your friend, it’s likely you’ll like their friends. It’s kind of like when you go shopping on ASOS and then they recommend other things they think you might like and most of the time, they’re dead right.

3. Do things

Take classes, join groups. Just in my Crochet Coach group alone, I know of two sets of friends who met through Crochet Coach, realised they live near each other and get together regularly to drink wine and crochet. It’s the actual best. I’ve always said that I’ve met every important person in my life through hobbies – theatre, blogging and crochet. I have a handful of school friends and one work friend I’m still friends with. All of the rest of them are through hobbies. Fun fact: I met Mr Smaggle through doing theatre at uni. He did lighting and design mostly and that’s how we met. Because we both got out of the house and did a thing.

4. Make the first move

If you want to hang out with someone, make plans to hang out with them. Like Chrissy from Hair Romance, we tweeted each other for a few years and then finally one of us suggested we hang out in real life and we just fell in love immediately. Someone has to make the first move, might as well be you! I actively and unapologetically pursue friendships all the time. Sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn’t but most people really like it when someone tries to be their friends. It’s flattering, so go for it.

5. Get involved at work

That’s never worked for me but I think that’s very rare. Go to social drinks, organise things. Also be inclusive. Work cliques SUCK so make sure you invite other office people to your get togethers. If you want to sneak off to a movie with your desk buddy, that’s cool but don’t invite 90% of the office people out for dinner and exclude the rest. I’ve never been SUPER fond of the whole making friends at work at thing (which is why I heavily pursued working for myself) but I know heaps of people whose main adult friendship circles are based of people they currently or once worked with.

This week Kelly and I are talking about the art of making friends as an adult and how to go about fixing your No-Friends-Nigel status.

Have you ever wondered how to make friends as an adult? Do you want to make new friends or are you pretty cool with the ones you’ve got?

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P.P.S Don’t forget Crochet Coach has a free trial offer period at the moment so make sure you sign up!

4 Comments

  1. Michaela 2 months ago

    I’d love to make some friends, but I want to meet the kind of people who are like me and prefer spending quiet nights in with good conversation and not a lot of crowds.

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 2 months ago

      That’s my favourite too! I like red wine on a couch and good company. Perfect evening.

  2. Raquel 2 months ago

    My hot tip is to teach classes.

    I’m not usually a fan of taking classes because I get easily bored when things go too slowly for me, and because I’m mostly nomadic at the moment, I can’t commit to programmes easily. However, I looooove teaching. I alternate between teaching programming one week and English the next week. Having some structure and purpose helps me focus and when I’m teaching, I’m in my element, so I’m not nervous even though I’m amongst strangers.

    I also make friends through Twitter.

    For me, saying yes to everything doesn’t work out well. I’ve tried it, and I hate it. I…don’t connect with people frequently, so I often find myself at events and gatherings, hanging out with people I’m not really getting along with. As an introvert, it’s extremely draining and I end up tired and upset. So, I only go to things that I’m enthusiastic about, rather than ‘oh yeah maybe that would be okay’ about.

    I sometimes go to my local yarn shop’s knit night, but the attendees mostly speak in the local language, which I’m still learning, so I find it a bit of a struggle.

    The biggest help, though, is that I am totally comfortable doing things alone. I never miss out on an event because I don’t have someone to go with. It means that I don’t feel a huge amount of pressure to make friends immediately (I used to!), I can just feel comfortable being myself, and making friends is a bonus.

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 2 months ago

      That’s a great one! I think a lot of people aren’t comfortable being on their own. Mr Smaggle doesn’t like crowds and is a hard introvert so I often go to things alone and I love it.

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