How To Not Be A Dick At The Airport

How To Not Be A Dick At The Airport
Carly Jacobs
E

very time I travel through an airport, I’m astounded at how difficult air travel is for some people and how avoidable their gripes often are. I’ve never been to an airport where someone wasn’t having an argument with flight staff about a totally preventable problem and it’s starting to irk me.

how to not be a dick at the airport

If you’re in doubt about what constitutes reasonable airport behaviour here’s how to not be a dick at the airport.

Remove your metric fuck tonne of metal before you walk through the scanner

There’s always one person who tries to get through the scanner wearing more bling than Mister T and that person is pretty much always having a giant whinge about how they ‘always’ have to remove their jewellery/shoes/belts at the airport. If you have anything – jewellery, a belt, shoes – that always sets of the detector, it’s always going to set off the detector. It takes a lot less time to take off your shoes and belt than it does to not take off your shoes and belt, walk through the scanner, set off the scanner, get sent back, take off your shoes, walk through the scanner, set off the scanner, get sent back, take off your belt and walk through the scanner again. I’m more than happy to take off my shoes every time I go to the airport, if it means that will stop a person with a gun getting on my flight. Just take off your damn shoes and don’t complain about it. Also think ahead. If your shoes require a good 10 minutes of unbuckling/lacing up, maybe they aren’t the most solid choice for airport travel.

young hipster at train stationFollow the luggage weight restrictions

They’re actually really very clear across all airlines. I’ve been caught before taking too much luggage and I’ve had had to pay extra and it sucked but the point is, I did the wrong thing. I pushed my luck and I got punished for it. Pay attention to how much carry on luggage is allowed (usually 7kg) and stick to it. Buy a luggage scale and use it. Check your luggage in if necessary. It will save you having to pay extra for overweight bags. Also don’t yell at the airline staff because you packed too much stuff. They weren’t there when you threw in four extra pairs of jeans at the last minute.

Allow plenty of time to get to the airport

Always do your research and figure out what the traffic might be like when you’re planning on leaving for the airport. Sometimes things do go wrong but if you allow plenty of time you should never miss a flight. Oh and if you do miss a flight, it’s not the airline’s fault. They clearly state on your ticket what time you need to be at the airport by.

Stay seated until the seat belt light is switched off

If you’re poised and ready to jump up the second that light goes off, that’s totally cool. I’m right there with you, in fact I’ll race you but don’t stand up before the light goes off. The airline hostesses will have to tell you sit down, you’ll get cranky and every one else on the flight will think you’re a giant douche bag. It’s really childish behaviour, so don’t do it.

Feet and suitcase Wait your turn to exit your seat

This is my biggest pet peeve at the airport. I want to get off the plane as soon as humanly possible but I will NEVER exit a plane before the people in front of me have had a chance to stand up, get their bag and go before me. I’ve had people pushing behind me trying to get past because I was letting an older couple get out of their seats and get their bags. Don’t disturb the flow. Let people get off in the order they’re sitting because that just makes sense.

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Have you ever come across an airport dick? What’s the worst thing you’ve seen someone do at the airport?

 

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62 Comments

  1. T 4 years ago

    I work for an airline and see complaints about these types of things everyday. Great list.

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 4 years ago

      I don’t envy people who work the check in counters!

  2. Alex 4 years ago

    I am with you on most of these points but on one I must beg to differ! I have had one experience when it was indeed the airline’s fault (or at least the airport) that we missed a flight! Arrived at Honolulu airport 1 hour and 50 min before a domestic flight, checked in and joined the queue for security. We waited a while, then we were moved to another security queue. It was taking forever but, you know, we got there early, checked bags, etc so no panic. We finally got through all that and were stopped one more time for an agricultural scan. Again that took ages then we ran to the gate where the staff seemed to take great delight in telling us that my family of five and eleven other passengers had missed the flight! It must have just closed, the door was still open, staff not on board, etc. Our bags went to San Francisco and the airline told us that we could go standby on the next flight in 24 hours time which was almost fully booked. Finally found a staff member in another lounge who was extremely helpful and booked us onto a San Jose flight for $100 a head! What shocked me the most was that they put us off the flight even though we were checked in so early and with SIX bags on board – security risk much?!

    But this is a pretty isolated incident of course. And I cannot stand those people who get up before the seat belt light goes off – I swear when people do that it seems to take so much longer for them to actually switch the light off!!

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 4 years ago

      Oh there’s always an exception to every rule! I almost missed a flight once and it was the security guards fault. He was being a dick and not letting people through the gate and wouldn’t let us through. Total tool.

  3. Excellent list! The people who start getting up as soon as the plane lands are the worst. I would also add, keep you ticket and passport handy. It is highly unlikely you will be robbed in an airport. You do not need to secure your passport in your moneybelt at the bottom of your bag every time (and keep the queue waiting while you search for it).

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 4 years ago

      Oh my god yes!!! There’s no need to bury down the bottom of your backpack either!

  4. What is it about air travel that makes people turn into shouty, ranty dickheads?! I like to get to the airport with plenty of time so I don’t have to rush (and can buy my magazines and possibly enjoy a sneaky wine before boarding). Be polite and patient with the flight attendants. They’re doing the best they can. And when you land – just chill. Turn your phone on, apply some more lippie, have a sip of water… and then stand up, grab your bag and disembark when it’s your turn. It’s not rocket science!

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 4 years ago

      I’m the same! I love to arrive early at the airport – I’d rather have an hour sitting at the gate than totally panic in traffic! And totally! Use the landing wait time to pack your back. Just chill.

  5. Anna Buckley 4 years ago

    Amen to all you say!

    I am now a convert to traveling light, only take carry-on, know what’s allowed, speed on and off flights and never ever lose luggage. Wrote a bit about it here http://annabuckley.com/2015/01/30/cruising-solo-trains-planes-automobiles-and-boats/
    P.S.Glad to here the workshop went well on the weekend, good luck for Adelaide x

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 4 years ago

      I’m definitely a packing light convert. I stayed with my mate Chrissy (hair blogger) so I didn’t pack any hair products because why would I? I also travel with a minimalist back pack with only essentials in it. Life changing.

  6. KellyNH 4 years ago

    We are taking our kids to Malaysia on our first overseas family holiday in June. Im praying that folks on the plane are a bit patient with kiddos. Ours are 7 and 9 and are pretty good as far as kids go, but they are still just kids. Some people seem to be greatly lacking in patience where families are concerned. Im not asking for any special treatment or for you to just sit back and take it if our kids continually kick the back of your seat (Believe me I wouldn’t allow it anyway, I am a parent who is very aware of my kids behaviour!). Just be aware that babies do cry and kids do get antsy. They do like to vocalise their feelings and they don’t like to sit still. I will go out of my way and do everything in my power to make your trip and theirs as easy and comfortable as possible, but please don’t roll your eyes, sigh loudly, tutt over every little comment and generally be a arsehole. That will not make it better for anyone.
    Please don’t say that maybe families shouldn’t travel, because frankly that is bullshit.

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 4 years ago

      I actually haven’t come across many ‘bad’ family travellers. Except one woman who said I was mean for asking her kid to stop kicking the back of my seat. I find parents are too busy with real problems to be dicks at the airport.

  7. Tine 4 years ago

    Great list! And I’d like to add to it as well:
    1. Queue up properly at the x-ray scanning machine. The whole family. I’ve lost count of the number of times father, mother, sons and daughters queue up on different lines just to make sure they get a quicker line and when they do, the whole family goes to that line. Suddenly waiting behind 2 people became waiting in line for 7 people.
    2. Take the laptop out. COME ON. Usually airport staff are okay with iPads in the bag but I take mine out just in case.
    3. Once all items are out of the x-ray machine, quickly pick everything up and leave. Organise your stuff away from the area. People who stand there at the conveyor belt wearing the belt again, shoes, pick up their items one by one … omg just typing that makes me stabby.

    Businessmen and businesswomen make the best travellers. I always try to stand in line behind them when possible because they’re so efficient. They’ve done this before countless of times and I tend to copy what they do as well to make the process as quick as possible.

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 4 years ago

      Oh I have never had that happen before but I would be SO ANGRY!!! It’s hard enough choosing a good line at the airport without people jumping the lines all over the place.

  8. Jacqui 4 years ago

    The other one that gets me is when you are waiting to collect your luggage at the carousel. There is not enough room for everyone on the flight to stand right up against the carousel. But there are those people that are so desperate to get their bags, that they block the whole thing for anyone else. Then to get to the carousel you have to say “excuse me” multiple times, while falling over people and bags. I mean really?! Just stand back a bit, and allow some space, then everyone can get their luggage.

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 4 years ago

      Totally! I always stand close but not to the point where I’m blocking other people. Just close enough so that I can see!

    • Emma83 4 years ago

      Don’t forget the parents who let their kids play on the carousel ignoring the large clearly written sign that says not to. About 5 years ago I told a kid nicely to get off the carousel and the mother came up to me and abused me. I apologised and said that I thought that she couldn’t read since the sign was in her direct line of sight. She went off at me saying I am going to take you to court. I got a business card out of my purse and gave it to her and told her to go for it and said I looked forward to reading about the court case in the local newspaper where it will say that you let ignored the signs and let your child play on what is classed as dangerous machinery. Yes I sound like a bitch but that is better than the carousel starting up and the kid getting hurt and worst case scenario the mother suing the airport for the injury.

  9. Helen K 4 years ago

    Tip – courtesy of my Mum, who kindly demonstrated why this was a silly thing to do when we were off to a family wedding – don’t get a personal alarm that you don’t know how to turn off, then stick it in your bag and forget about it until you set it off going through the scanner.

    Twenty minutes later it was still doing, she is red with embarrassment, no one else could work out how to turn it off, everyone is watching her (with ears covered) – we are peering down from a level above (no way would any of us, including Dad, be associated with this!)

  10. Jacinta 4 years ago

    We always, ALWAYS, wait to get off a flight. The majority of our travel has been with 2 kids in tow (and our next trip with 3, Lord help us) and we get off last. Kids are slow, we have a gazillion bags to carry and people leave their crap everywhere (another point, put your blanket/pillow/rubbish on your seat, not in the aisle!) and our kids trip over. So we make sure everyone gets off before us so we don’t hold anyone else up =D

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 4 years ago

      I don’t even mind being held up if you’re ahead of me on the plane. I stand there like a brick wall and let anyone in front of me go!

  11. Lauren @ The Thud 4 years ago

    It’s all about the baggage carousel for me.

    If you stand ON the carousel:
    1. Your bag WILL NOT come any faster.
    2. You will prevent EVERYONE from being able to get past and and get their bag off the carousel.
    3. You will most likely be knocked over by people like me who are trying to get their massive bag but can’t because some dickhead is standing ON the carousel so they take their aggression out by swinging that bag wildly in order to belt everyone who is blocking her path (or so I’ve heard…)

    If you stand back behind the line:
    1. Everyone can see when their bag is coming
    2. Everyone can walk calmly to the carousel and pick up their bag without injuring themselves or other people.

    Oh, and if you’re a SUPER DICK and put your trolley next to you at the carousel? I’m going to have words.

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 4 years ago

      Oh totally! Standing on top of the damn carousel just pissed everyone off.

  12. meandtheyoung 4 years ago

    I feel like you and my friend Lauren are the same person haha.

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 4 years ago

      Ha! Quite possibly! Does she get airport rage like me?

  13. Zita 4 years ago

    And the ones who get on the plane before they are meant to drive me nuts!! They call in order of rows but people still go before they are called and then block the bloody aisle!!! Grr!
    Great list!

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 4 years ago

      Oh I know! I’m like ‘LISTEN to what they said! Did they call aisle 34? NO! They said 1 to 13.’ People make me so angry.

  14. Shan@FortyUp 4 years ago

    I love this list. The seatbelt sign! It is my pet peeve. Why the need people!!?? Sometimes I wish the pilot would slam on the brakes so they’d all fall over in the isle….tee hee!

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 4 years ago

      Oh totally. I hate that they make the poor cabin crew discipline them. It’s just silly.

  15. What a great list! A little bit of patience goes a long way when you’re travelling and treat others as you would expect to be treated, air crew and ground staff are just trying to do their job as best they can.

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 4 years ago

      They’re always so polite too. It’s also not like they’re changing rules or anything. All the rules are clearly stated on their tickets.

  16. skyebreanSkye 4 years ago

    Can we also add the people who need to stand (with their trolleys) right up against the luggage carrousel, and block everyone else who is also waiting for the same plane worth of luggage. There’s a line people! Stand behind it and everyone can just step up and get their bags when they see them without having to battle these annoying people!

  17. cat@thatbettiething 4 years ago

    My husband is a FIFO worker, so as you can immagine he sees a lot of dicks at airports. He hates it when people argue with the security staff after being caught with, you know – scissors in their carry on luggage. I don’t care if you’re planning on making a holiday scrapbook love, the sign clearly states that you can’t take it on!!

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 4 years ago

      It’s also not like this is a new rule. You can’t take scissors on a flight. This isn’t new information.

  18. Shannon Morrow 4 years ago

    Love love this! It all boils down to common sense really doesn’t it!

    When people have a go at the explosives testing peeps for choosing them to randomly test because they are going to miss their flight! Dick!!

    my bro and I flew a lot as kids, every school holidays (divorced parents living in different states) and we always had seatbelt races!

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 4 years ago

      Oh I never picked for those but Mr Smaggle does… he’s got a kind of Asange Wiki Leaks look about him…

  19. All of the above PLUS. Don’t try and walk around the aircraft when the seat belt sign has been put back on and we have been told to take our seats…Dont hog the armrest…Grrr…keep the bathroom tidy after u use it…x

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 4 years ago

      Oh I know! It’s not like you’re on a bumpy train or a bus! How do the bathrooms even get that gross???

  20. Cheekie 4 years ago

    Bravo, thanks for addressing these issues, my airport peeves too.
    I have done a lot of overseas travel in the last ten years and I must look like the current Mata Hari on circulation in security hitlists as I get my personal details checked, my bags get checked, dogs sniff me, my family walks on by nowas it is so tedious (once with my passport which did not impress the security officer in Frankfurt).
    I have been frisked at airports,, damn underwire bras! I have learnt to stay calm and polite as other cultures and other culture’s rules are to be abided and respected. I have no idea why I look so suspicious….I don’t even own a boogie board!

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 4 years ago

      I hardly ever get chosed unless it’s not busy and the people are bored. Mr Smags gets it almost every time though!

  21. Jenny Tiffen 4 years ago

    I used to work for QANTAS. I loved it and I saw some crazy stuff! My family of 6 travels a fair bit and even with young kids we roll like this:
    ????????Pack minimally
    ????????Take the least amount of bags
    ????????Dress up {smart casual, layered clothes for temp changes}
    ????????Don’t be late to the gate ????
    ????????Wear perfume
    ????????Pack gum/minties {no one likes breath}
    ????????Don’t get drunk on plane/lounge
    ????????Have your pick up organised or leave your car at the airport. Best! Worth every cent.

    Oh and this is so cute. Sometimes I’d see a guy waiting for a flight to land, holding asingle rose or flower. Soooo romantic. All the staff would be smiling thinking how cute he was and what a lucky girl {or guy} his partner must be. Flowers cost about $6. Cheapest huge impact stunt ever ????

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 4 years ago

      Oh I saw a guy doing that yesterday and there was a crowd of people Instagramming him! He was so cute. Love it. Will fix later! x

  22. Jenny Tiffen 4 years ago

    Oh no all my emoji’s came out as Eeeek sorry Carly!! Can you fix them? Argh!

  23. Tahlia Meredith 4 years ago

    Oh yes, I’ve encountered all of these. Once a lady was busily shoving her way down the aisle before the doors had even opened. People have nowhere to go lady, calm your farm!

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 4 years ago

      I just don’t get it. They are a minority though. Most people are fine but there’s always that person who pushes it!

  24. Cilla 4 years ago

    Don’t kick the seat in front of you.
    Biggest pet peeve: people behind me pounding the touch screen! Don’t pound the touch screen!! (this more an issue for international flights where there is a seat-back touch screen)
    The amount of junk people carry in their carry-on baggage astounds me. It’s ridic.
    I also dress for a flight in an outfit that won’t set off the metal detector.
    I am also a fairly light packer. Lighter than my BF,

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 4 years ago

      Oh my god yes! It’s a touch screen not a punch screen.

  25. Belinda Jacobson 4 years ago

    I was on a flight just the other day and the guy sitting next to me (I was in the aisle seat) literally pushed me to move into the aisle and then pushed past me to try and get off sooner. He then pushed past everyone trying to get out of their seats in the rows in front of us…… really not necessary! I’m also with Cilla about the pounding of the touch screen…. people don’t seem to realise that it’s the back of someones seat!

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 4 years ago

      That’s ridiculous. I just spent the weekend with a mate and when people are being tools, he actually tells them. It’s fascinating. Most people totally back down. I think the issue is that people are constantly getting away with it.

      • sunny 4 years ago

        I’m impressed your friend told people what he was thinking (and what many other people were probably thinking). (Wish I could be more like him!) This is a life thing, I think. Many people get to be quite grown up but haven’t grown up – because they get away with behavior that’s not acceptable but no one has the guts to tell them so.

  26. Rachel Ann 4 years ago

    My biggest pet peeve is people losing their patience. I realize that’s a bit vauge, but I had a guy scream at me once for accidentally sitting in the wrong seat. Yes, I was wrong, but at the same time he could be polite about it instead of calling me a dislexic moron. I was 16 and too stunned to do anything but move to my proper seat, but it stuck with me.

    Other than that, always bring a sweater and a snack, but I never leave the house without a sweater and a snack, so I’m okay there?.

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 4 years ago

      That would destroy me! I once asked a guy if he’d mind swapping seats with my friend so we could sit together and he just flat out refused. So I asked the person sitting next to my friend if they’d mind swapping and they were totally fine with it, so we swapped and then he DOBBED ON US to the flight attendant. She didn’t give a shit and said it was fine on domestic flights and he was getting his panties in a twist about terrorism and how it’s not safe to not have the person whose name is on the ticket sitting their chair. Fucking bizarre.

  27. denvergalea 4 years ago

    Oh, this entry is close to my heart! I’ve spent 14 years travelling and the things that tick me off the most are:
    – people who don’t prepare for the security search (so laptop out efficiently)
    – people who lay their seat as far back as it goes with no regard for the poor schmuck behind them
    – those who wait until the boarding gate to find their boarding pass and hold up the line (this also goes for people who wait at bus stops for 10 minutes and then search for their ticket/card when they get on the bus)
    – people who decide it’s time to go to the toilet during in-flight food service
    – people who line up in the priority line when they’re travelling cattle class (we recently flew business class and when asked by the attendants if we all definitely were holding priority tickets, there was a couple there who insisted they were because they had the exit row in economy…this had little impact on us really, but whaaat?).

  28. There is something about airports that seems to make people forget all ettiquette and general common sense. I go there now expecting people to be dicks and do dicky things so when someone does something normal or nice it comes across as extremely awesome.

  29. Sasha @ Fromtheleftfield 4 years ago

    This is gold! So true. So many dicks. Hogging seats at the gate entrance whilst waiting for the plane with carry on luggage and sprawling out while you stand there with your feral toddlers wondering where the hell to sit and they just stare at you blankly is one key dick move. And when you’re on the plane- the people that stand up the microsecond the plane hits the tarmac and insist on barging their way through… because if they dared to wait for people to file out of the plane in a civilised and orderly fashion it will totes destroy their lives. Gets me every time!

  30. Bonny 4 years ago

    What is it about air travel that turns people into such pests? haha This list is very true, but unfortunately I know I’ve been guilty of a few of them in the past, such as absent-mindedly packing my makeup bag in hand luggage and not thinking of the fact I had nail scissors and tweezers in there, and almost missing a flight and having to cut in front of the long check-in line.

    The one thing that annoys me most of all in airports is the way everyone crowds around the luggage conveyor belt, standing so close to it and so close to each other that if you’re lucky enough to get a glimpse of your bag through the crowd, you have to push and fight your way through to pick it up before it goes past. If people would just spread out a bit and stand a few metres back, and only step forward once they can actually see their bag, the whole process would be so much faster and involve less shoving and elbowing.

    I also don’t like it when people whinge and complain and take their frustrations out on the customer service staff who have no power to make special exceptions to the rules or influence the powers that be to make change the way things are done. Even worse is when people get rude and shouty when their bags are above the weight limit or the flight is delayed. That just makes me cringe.

  31. Wright 4 years ago

    I generally disagree with the waiting to let people out of their seats rule. Granted, I’m not going to shove anyone out of the way, but the most efficient (and, in my mind, the most respectful for everyone behind you) way is for everyone to move as quickly as they possibly can without inconveniencing anyone else. For example, if you’re blocking both sides of an escalator and someone has to push past you that’s on you; the other person is ensuring one side remain clear and everyone else can walk.

    • Emma83 4 years ago

      Totally disagree. You exit row by row. If you are in that much of a rush pay the extra charge for an up the front seat. It’s $12 on Jetstar flights. Pay up or wait your turn.

  32. Emma83 4 years ago

    Don’t take your shoes off during the flight. I don’t care if your feet don’t smell it’s still gross.
    When I go back to my home town I have to fly into Proserpine which is the nearest airport to Airlie Beach and the Whitsunday Islands so the flights are full of backpackers. Its never a good flight stands out. I was seated next to a backpacker couple who were very loved up. Not a problem I was engrossed in my kindle. Until I heard a moan and looked over to see his hand up her skirt and moving it around. It takes a lot to shock me but I was stunned for a good 10 seconds. Then I tapped the girl on the shoulder until she turned around and asked them to stop since it is a plane not a bedroom. They were not happy and the guy said to me ‘you are jealous’. The red flag was waved and I was the bull. I replied that my boyfriend and I had both flown in yesterday afternoon from our respective FIFO jobs and we fucked like rabbits all night in the privacy of my flat and I was extremely satisfied. I then pointed out how unhygienic it was because the hand and fingers that were up her skirt will touch the seat belt, the tray, the seat etc. I told them it they do it again I will tell the flight attendant and let them deal with it. Seriously how could you do that with someone sitting right next to you in broad daylight and not even trying to hide it. No respect.

  33. Two stories for you. I used to fly domestically heaps when I did on-site IT support. I had a little toolkit I would take with me (screwdrivers, cutters, generally sharp things) that I always packed in my check-in. One day I forgot and they ended up on my carry on and of course they picked me up on it.

    I apologised for my stupidity and started taking out ALL the sharps for them to confiscate. The guy was SO surprised I wasn’t arguing he started a conversation about what I do and why I needed the tools. He ended up letting me keep my (frigging expensive) tiny screwdriver set along with a few other things that probably shouldn’t have been allowed because I was happy to sacrifice them for my stupidity. He took the ‘you could kill someone with those’ tools though, which I was completely on board with.

    Moral: Not being a douche goes a long way.

    Secondly, on a flight Perth -> Sydney (red eye) and we landed on the furthest runway from the terminals. The one that takes a good 5 minutes to get to the gate. Of course, the seatbelt sign is still on, but all the very important business men in suits start to get up anyway. Cue multiple announcements from the cabin crew for everyone to sit down. No one complies. Captain comes on and says “Seriously – listen to the flight attendants, they say it with good reason”… still no one complies. We’re moving at a snails pace towards the terminal, when suddenly the pilot taps the breaks, sending business men jolting down the aisle. Pilot comes back on “…And that was one of the many reasons we ask you to stay in your seats with your seatbelt tightly fastened even though we are on the ground.”

    Cue ALL the stupid people getting back into their seats until the seatbelt sign is turned off at the gate.

    I laughed SO inappropriately hard at that — I have no idea if the pilot did it on purpose, but if he did, it was brilliant.

    Moral: Stay in your friggin seats.

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