I Have No Idea What It Feels Like To Be Skinny

I Have No Idea What It Feels Like To Be Skinny
Carly Jacobs

My name is Carly and I’m fat. If I said this to anyone who’s looking at me, they’d say I was being an idiot. I’m a full figured size 14 so even though I don’t look that fat, I am a fat person. My mate Eden calls herself an alcoholic, even though she hasn’t had a drink in 10 years. You don’t recover from being an alcoholic, you ARE an alcoholic. You don’t recover from being a fat person, you ARE a fat person. I was a fat kid and an even fatter teenager and it was about as much fun as having my fingernails removed by a plier/acid wielding monkey. I lost 25kg in my early 20s and I have to work every day to keep it off and re-lose it when I gain a bit of it back. I’m fat. I’ll always be fat, even if I’m in control of my fatness and you can’t see it. It’s still there. No matter how strictly I have dieted the best I’ve ever achieved is a VERY curvy size 12. I literally have no idea what it feels like to be skinny.

When I was in high school one of my closest friends was very slim. She was tall like me about 5’8 and wore size 8 clothing. I was obsessed with her body and the way her lifestyle and food choices had zero effect on her appearance. When she was hungry, she’d casually eat a large Big Mac meal and not even think about how many calories she was eating. She played basketball because she liked it not because her mother was worried about her weight and thought it would be good if she played an after school sport. If she needed new clothes she’d go to the shops and zip up a tiny pair of size 8 jeans and they would fit perfectly. She always had boyfriends and she could sit on their laps without squashing them and they could pick her up without so much as grunting.

Close up of a teen couple wearing shoes

We both did drama at school and the roles we each got cast in painted a grim picture of something I tried so hard to ignore. She was always the leading lady, wearing tiny dresses and short shorts, cast opposite the hot guys from the boys school across the road. I was always the funny one dressed in ugly overalls or I played a man. I was always the fucking man. My mate didn’t love the way her hip bones stuck out and would have been stoked to have bigger boobs but that’s pretty much where her body hate ended. Occasionally someone would tell her to go eat pizza and she’d be like ‘Okay.’ and then she’d eat a whole pizza and not hate herself afterwards. It was fascinating.

When I talk about how horrible it was to be fat in high school, inevitably there will be a (skinny) someone who will say that they totally agree and that they were so thin in high school and it was torture.  I’m obviously incredibly biased here but I have a really difficult time imagining how the one thing I’ve wanted my whole life could be anything other than incredibly awesome. Deep down in my little soul, I feel I’d much prefer to have someone jealously tell me to eat a hamburger rather than have someone stick a picture of the fattest man in the world on my desk with ‘This is you as a boy’ written on it. (That actually happened to me. Fuck teenagers right?)

My mate Tamsin wrote a piece about what it’s like to grow up skinny and it’s an utterly fascinating read for anyone who grew up with literally the opposite problem. No one should ever make judgements about another person’s body, even if they’re thin. Especially if they’re thin. I’m a 100% supporter of body pride and I think being a teenager is a rotten experience for pretty much everyone. Tamsin and I both hated our bodies in high school and both of our experiences are valid but the fact remains that her body hang up (too thin) is the solution to my body hang up (too fat) but my body hang up isn’t the solution to hers. It seems somehow unfair.

golden mirrorThe truth is, I have a lot of difficulty understanding people who complain about being too thin. I’m not talking about people who are underweight as the result of illness (obviously not) – I’m talking about your bog standard skinny peeps with ragingly effective metabolisms.

Take Mr Smaggle for instance. Now this man is the light of my life but I want to make pain happen to him when he effortlessly drops a jeans size and then complains about it… especially if we’ve just been on holiday together and have eaten MOUTHFUL FOR MOUTHFUL the same food and climbed STEP FOR STEP up the same god damn mountains and at the end of two weeks he loses 3 kilos and I gain 5. It’s not his fault and it’s not his problem. It’s my problem. It’s a life time of my own frustration that’s built up to the point where anytime someone complains about their inability to gain weight all I hear is ‘My wallet’s too small for my fifties and my diamond shoes are too tight!’

Lock

My weight is something that I struggle with every day, every meal, every minute. This doesn’t make the struggles of naturally slim people any less meaningful or their horrendous high school experiences any less valid. It means that I’ve been so broken by own inefficient body that it’s made me a bit unsympathetic to the plight of my skinny brothers and sisters.

It’s this weird little skeleton in my closet. That thing that I’m not supposed to say because everyone is fighting their own battle that I know nothing about.

So when someone laments that they have to shop in the children’s section of David Jones because they’re too thin for adult clothes, I have literally nothing to say to them because I have no idea what it feels like to be skinny.

 

Have you ever wondered what life would be like if your major body hang up was reversed? If you were offered the magical swap (fat to thin, short to tall) would you take it?

 

P.S This article in no way refers to people with eating disorders or people who have experienced any kind of trauma or illness related weight loss.

104 Comments

  1. Dobbo Dares 5 years ago

    This is one of your best pieces I think I’ve ever read. And I totally hear you, and I was that girl. And still am that girl, with that husband. Even now, working my arse off training for a marathon, I will consider myself blessed if I get down to a size 14. The only time I ever achieved that before was on diet pills.

    And just for a week, a week, I’d like to be skinny. And I know that’s shallow. And ridiculous. And it wouldn’t make my life better. But I can’t put aside deep down I’d love to be skinny.

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 5 years ago

      I know! I want it to not be something I want but I just can’t help it. And how disappointing is it to run like a maniac most days of the week and still be a chunky monkey?

  2. Bek 5 years ago

    Preach sister. I’ve been skinny once in my life but that was because literally the only thing I ate during this period was handfuls of party drugs. Right there with you on the school play castings as well – and the having no idea what it feels like to be skinny or to eat what I want without consequence. This was an incredibly honest and brave post and from the fat girl inside me to the fat girl inside you, you’re banging, healthy, fit as fuck and an inspiration. Love you xx

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 5 years ago

      Oh lord I remember that! So happy you’re no longer in that phase love. It wasn’t good. Forever partners in religious robes crimes! Love you darling and right back at you gorgeous creature! x

  3. Amanda 5 years ago

    Wow! This would have been the most home hitting article for me…. I myself would have no idea what it is like to be thin at all and like you I work every day to try and drop the weight I have. I have never been a skinny person in my life! Always an overweight child and an overweight teenager. Great article Carly love it x

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 5 years ago

      It’s funny isn’t it how it’s just like that for some people? I at least come from a family of overweight people so it makes sense. It would be awful being an overweight person in a family of very thin people. That would be really difficult.

      • Laura 5 years ago

        I was an overweight child and came from a family of super thin, super athletic people and unfortunately I was reminded of my weight more than not. Going out to dinner was torture, always having to hear comments from them on my food choices, trying to give helpful advise on how to lose the weight. Even now as an adult I am overweight and for years just gave up. I’ve started watching what I eat and trying to turn a corner, not because of what others think but for my own health in the future. Great article.

        • Jen Artale 3 years ago

          They were thinking about your future health. That’s all. … It’s not a great feeling, but it came from the heart. If they were mean, then I’m sorry. … I had both meaningful talks about my weight. I also had my mother cry to me I was too fat. … I was about 10 years old. … You take it all with you. … In the end, I learned enough about healthier eating through a little education and a bit of fear. … Currently, I’m heavier than I’ve ever been. The only compliment I get now is about my shoes. … I’m 5’3″ and 137 lbs. and 44 years old. … You can’t help others. Only help yourself. … I also know that the way my mother treated me when I was heavier as a child made me who I am today. … So, there’s the seesaw of life.

  4. Sarahah 5 years ago

    This is a brave, amazing post and you are a brave, amazing woman. I’ve not had the same exact battle you have had, but I have also never been skinny and have spent a lot of time hung up on it in my 20’s – I starved myself for a while in my early 20’s – deliberately ate less than I normally would so that I left every meal still a little bit hungry. I got down to under 60kg (five foot five) but it took a lot of hunger to get me there. Now in my 30’s I have a much, MUCH healthier self-body-image. I am weighing more than I want to weigh (and secretly – and not so secretly – it really pi$$es me off considering how active I’ve been) but for me now, my focus is on training for half marathons and marathons and knowing that my body can run. My body that weighs more than I want it to can run 21km and that’s amazing! I love that it can do that. I’ve also learned how to dress my body shape, and that has helped a lot. I lament internally sometimes that I can’t wear some of the amazing styles that I see skinny girls getting around in, but I know what I can put on to make *me* look good and that’s another win of my 30’s.

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 5 years ago

      Oh totally! Those bloody numbers on the scale – I’ve been wearing the same size clothes for about 10 years now but those scales can destroy me no matter loose my smallest dress is. It’s just mental isn’t it? And well done on the running. Once I started exercise for the mental benefits it’s becoming a way of life and not a chore any more!

  5. Rach aka stinkb0mb 5 years ago

    Me either Smags! The smallest I’ve ever been is a 12 and even then I considered myself fat but looking back I was actually thin with curves but skinny? Nope I doubt I’ll ever be that or know what it feels like. I could live on nothing but dust and still not ever be able to hit my apparent “ideal” weight range for my height of 54 to 60kg!!

    I also agree that I’d prefer to be in a situation where I’m being told to eat a hamburger to fatten up, than being called fat, fatty boombah, thunder thighs, heffa, whale, having the lyrics to “I Feel the Earth Move Under My Feet” sung to me as I walk past – yup high school sucked arse for me too and adulthood hasn’t always been that flash either.

    And yes, I agree, once a fat person, always a fat person. You never forget being fat and if you do, for one moment of one second, there is always someone there to remind you to “watch what you’re eating, you don’t want to go back to being fat again, do you?”. You ask any fat person who has shed a lot of weight and most will tell you, they still feel like the same old fat person they were before and in fact a lot, struggle to find their place in the world once they have lost weight, they feel like a bit of an imposter in the ‘thin/skinny’ girls world 🙁

    My goal in life now, after nearly 35 yrs of being so unhappy in my own body, is to be healthy and happy in my own skin – something that doesn’t have a particular number on a scale attached to it.

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 5 years ago

      I’m totally the same – when I was a size 12 (about 10 kilos lighter than I am now) I still thought I was fat. I love that saying ‘I wish I was as thin as I was when I thought I was fat!’. I’m definitely happy in my skin – I don’t hate my body at all – I work too bloody hard on it to entertain that kind of bullshit! – and even though I’m used to it, I’d just love to be able to not care where I go for dinner and worry about whether or not they have a low carb option or panic about conferences because the food will be unhealthy. I just kind of hate the way it rules my life you know? I’m also tired. I’m so tired of getting up at dawn to exercise and spending every Sunday planning my meals. I need a break from my good health! 🙂

  6. Kate - DDGDaily.com 5 years ago

    I feel the same about being small. I have ALWAYS wanted to be small… or little… or petite. I have wanted to be light and not weigh the same as my dad. To be able to sit on someones knee and not worry about breaking it. But instead I am Godzilla. I just take up so much space. And in photos I always have to crouch down and then I look like a weirdly big-headed hunch back.

    And when you are tall you have to be slim… HAVE TO… because if you are tall and fat then you are literally a mountain. And whenever I hear short people complaining about things like 1) not being able to see at a concert (my response… you know you are short, so get here earlier… and stop trying to make me feel bad because you are disorganised!) 2) They have to take up their pants (boo… fucking… hoo… at least you have that option… I’ve had visible socks and cold ankles since I was 10!), 3) That they can’t “hide the weight like I can” (that is the worlds biggest back handed compliment… I am going to run away and eat cake now… thanks very much!)

    But there’s nothing that can be done, you can’t fight city hall… or genetics. And you can’t be annoyed at the people with the opposite problem who equally don;t understand your beef, because that’s all they know as well..

    So anyway.. my long-rambling point IS lovely Smags, that I loved the shit out of this… big blog props to you for posting it… and that I feel your frustration lady!!!

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 5 years ago

      I know! Fighting genetics has been the goal of my life and it’s so frustrating. I have the same thing with wanting to be petite – wearing giant shoes and not having to duck in hallways and being able to delicately tuck yourself under a boys arm. And people always point it out! Like ‘Oh my god your so tall!’. Yeah thanks Captain Obvious.

  7. Amazing piece you gorgeous thing. And, I know how you feel. I was a skinny kid (like up til aged 10 or so) but puberty wasn’t kind to me and the addition of ever growing boobs certainly didn’t help! Now I seem to have settled around a size 12, but thanks to the boob-factor I find clothes hard to find which doesn’t help me feel comfortable & confident in my skin. Plus the bf is much like your Mr Smags which is less than helpful!
    No matter what though lady you’re a certified babe xx

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 5 years ago

      I’ve watched that happen to many of my friends and felt so bad for them. It’s like ‘Welcome to the club love! Grab a lettuce leaf!’. xxx

  8. Tamsin Howse 5 years ago

    “…anytime someone complains about their inability to gain weight all I hear is ‘My wallet’s too big for my fifties and my diamond shoes are too tight!’”

    I hear you, boy, do I hear you. It’s like when people said to me “my boobs are too big to exercise” (before I grew any) or now when people say anything about being pregnant, all I hear is “I’m pregnant and you’re not”.

    But there’s a big difference to your friend in high school who could pull on a pair of size 8 jeans and have them fit perfectly, and someone like me who had size 6 jeans falling off her waist and was unable to get any pants long enough to cover her ankles.

    You were told “this is you as a boy”, I was told I was a boy. No boobs, no bum – how are you even a girl? And when you’re that skinny, boys don’t find you attractive. I had no shortage of boyfriends because I was a hopeless romantic who chased anything and everything, convinced everyone was the love of my life, certainly not because of my looks.

    I completely understand your perspective, but by the same token there is so much misconception about what it’s like to be really skinny.

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 5 years ago

      Oh I totally agree and everyone’s journey is completely different. I’m not with out fault though – I once complained to that my hair wasn’t as thick as it used to be in front of my mate who has alopecia! Dick. Head.

  9. Fiona 5 years ago

    Great piece Smaggle !! One night I was out drinking and animatedly grabbed a male friend around each bicep. It occurred to me that my fingers did not sink into his flesh due to the muscle tone. Instead of thinking… woah, nice guns (as I am prone to do..) my mind went into.. I have no idea what it feels like to be fit.. ever . This launched me into a 2 year walking, carb cutting, chain smoking “fitness routine” I dropped 22kgs to get to an unheard of 63kg and everyone told me I looked sick. Cant win ? Nope…

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 5 years ago

      Oh totally! I’ve been 10 kilos lighter than I am now and I got gastro and lost an additional 4 kilos – I looked like HELL! My skin was grey and my face was all sunken and everyone kept saying how great I looked. Which is why I feel the way I do about being skinny I suppose… because people are so impressed with thin-ness.

  10. Nadine 5 years ago

    Can I just say first off that you are SUPER GORGEOUS, no matter what. You really are a babe!
    I’d love to know what it’s like to fit into clothes in a carefree and no-big-deal manner. I have a slender boyish VERY long torso with short muscular limbs, and pants or anything with sleeves very rarely fit me. Things will either be way too big in the hips/waist or bust, or impossibly small for my arms or legs. I can easily wear any kind of sleeveless dress or top (or skirt), but beyond that it’s SO MUCH HARD WORK. I first fell in love with your site many moons ago because of your refusal to wear pants, which instantly made you into my newest heroine/role model. People who merrily swap or borrow each other’s clothes or buy clothes online have NO IDEA what it’s like to never be able to do that.

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 5 years ago

      Thank you darling that is so kind of you. I certainly don’t go around hating the way I look this piece was more about the struggle to maintain my health… it’s SO TIRING! I also have a long torso – it’s such a nightmare… one piece swimsuits are impossible to wear. I just can’t with pants… they’ve never suited me. I’m a dress gal now and forever!

  11. KellyNH 5 years ago

    I too know exactly what you mean. Ive always been told Im big, solid, big-boned, even straight out just bloody fat. From well intentioned people, family, and also people who meant it to hurt. Many times I was fat. Very fat. But looking back on photos, lots of times I wasn’t either. I was just a normal kid. Not overly fat. Just bigger than the other kids. Taller by far. So Ive always felt like a giant. It never helped that my friends were 4 foot tiny things, so I developed terrible posture as well!
    Ive always felt like I take up too much space. I think Ive spent most of my adult life trying to make myself smaller. Even when I got down to my goal weight I still felt like a giant Hi-Vis wearing elephant……
    I would love too know what its like to be able to put on an outfit and feel elegant. Ive never felt elegant To me elegance goes with a willowy figure, and I doubt I will ever achieve that while Im alive!
    I think the thing that has helped me the most is not buying magazines anymore. I don’t need to torture myself any longer, and when I think about it, the glossy magazines never made me feel happy or fulfilled.
    I may never be an effortlessly slim elegant picture, but I can be the best, healthiest, funniest, happiest version of me there is. Noone else can do that…..

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 5 years ago

      SOLID!!! I HATE when people call me solid. What does that even mean? I honestly don’t get why people to point out that some people are bigger than others. And that’s a wonderful, positive life attitude to have. Go you! x

  12. Pretty Average 5 years ago

    I was a very skinny teenager – although I am now average sized, or perhaps even bigger-thighs-than-average sized.

    Like every teenager, I hated my body a little bit, and sometimes a lot. I had no chest whatsoever. No curves. I felt very unattractive. People would tease me about my lack of chest, make fun of the fact that I would never have to wear a bra, ask me if I was anorexic, etc.

    However, I sometimes get annoyed when people start talking about skinny shaming, as if it happens on the same level as fat shaming. For the most part, I feel that ‘skinny shaming’ in society is nowhere as common – or as constant, or as cruel – as ‘fat shaming’.

    Individual skinny girls have experienced truly awful bullying, but in general… I would never conflate the very basic level of teasing I experienced, with comparable levels of teasing that my slightly overweight friends experienced in high school. And I had it a damn lot easier than my significantly overweight friends.

    Because I still had society telling me that skinny equals good. I still watched movies where the good guys were skinny, and the bad guys were overweight – as a symbol of their gluttony or laziness or just ‘evilness’. I read magazines where only skinny girls where pictured – even if they did have more of a chest than I would ever have.

    Individuals experience bullying for a whole range of (totally ridiculous and irrelevant) reasons. Some individuals experience bullying because they are skinny. But society doesn’t paint thinness the same way it paints fatness.

    I don’t want to discount other people’s experiences, but I think sometimes it’s important to take a step back and realise when we – meaning I – have had it a lot better than others.

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 5 years ago

      I completing agree. That’s the whole point of this article – I certainly don’t want to be-little the experiences of others but I think there’s definitely a hierarchy of discrimination and usually the fat kids are at the top of it. Thinness is desirable and fatness is not. It’s a fact.

  13. Chorizo lover 5 years ago

    Yeah, I think you are gorgeous too.
    Fat, large, whatever, most of my life but okay about it now. I think having a daughter will do that to you, give you motivation and a reality check. Health first, inside and out and then appearance, best thing, lame but true, a smile.
    Never wondered what it would be like to be skinny, just assumed it was an easier existence in our culture, realise it is on one level, superficially…

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 5 years ago

      I think it does get to the point where it’s just what your body is doing right? I do think it’s really important for mother’s to be in control of their own feelings about their bodies for their daughters. That’s very excellent of you. x

  14. Hannah Rose 5 years ago

    This was such a brave, awesome post Lady Smaggs. I have been chubby most of my life, it wasn’t until highschool/puberty time that I got a lot bigger. Highschool was absolute torture for me and I graduated with pretty much no self esteem at all. Since then I have had a love/hate relationship with my body and have lost and gained weight. I’ve even had a few friends use me as thinspiration, or harp on endlessly that they can almost fit into a size 6. It really sucks having to listen them. I understand why they are so obsessed with being skinny, way to often women are told that’s how we’re “supposed” to look and in the past I’ve been obsessed with getting that way too. If I could magically be made into a skinny person I probably wouldn’t take it now, I would rather work on being healthy than ever be skinny. You have inspired me so much to lead a healthier life with your amazing blog, you’re such a kickass lady! #bigbootybitches4life x

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 5 years ago

      Oh my god that’s horrifying – I can’t believe they’d use you as thinspiration… or at the very least tell you that’s what they were doing. Gross. Thank you so much for your kind words about my blog. I’m so glad that’s the way it’s coming across – above all I promote health, happiness and self love so I’m stoked that’s what people are getting from it!

      x

  15. Nicole 5 years ago

    Freaking great read. Also loved the Tamsin side of things. I have been in both camps… sort of. I prefer being too skinny but I have never been there through the “Go eat a pizza!” “Sure” scenario. I was severely anorexic as a teenager and at other stressful times since, I have done a bit of an ‘Eat, Pray, love’ and dropped 5 kgs without even trying.
    That’s a bitch thing to say right…
    The rest of the time I watch what I eat (generally without pathology now), avoid carbs, walk my dog 40 minutes every day plus do gym sessions 3-4 days a week because I am terrified of ever going back to the fat, pale, short, freckly redhead. Oddly I was never really badly teased, it was the subtle comments that haunt me: the other kid’s mum that made a comment about my waist measurement when measuring me for a dance costume (I was 9); my mum trying to help me by giving me exercises to do (my brother didn’t have to, he was skinny); and yep, being made a boy in a dance concert even though I was the shortest in the class because I was chubby.
    I would give anything to have that hour (plus) a day that I HAVE to spend exercising in order to maintain the size I want to be, to do other fun things. I would love to be able to eat toasted cheese sandwiches for lunch (they smell so good!) instead of the salad or soup. And if anyone knows of a way to exorcise the binge-eating demon that possesses me when life feels shit (and his buddy, the guilt dragon) then let me know.
    First world problem. Still, it’s nice that you opened the discussion, good to get these things off your chest.
    You mentioned in a separate post that some of your peers are now struggling because their metabolism has slowed and they are putting on weight for the first time in their life. I guess that is something we have in our favour. I first learnt to diet at 9. I am so ahead of the pack when it comes to maintaining a healthy weight as I age.

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 5 years ago

      I just thought it was so important to present an equal argument but also to admit that it was my own bullshit and shitty metabolism that made me feel this way. I’m so sorry for your anorexia darling – it’s such a bitch of a disease isn’t it?? That’s the one silver lining to having a shit metabolism – you learn to work it at a really young age!

  16. Averil 5 years ago

    I’m the opposite. I was always the petite skinny girl that never had to watch what I ate, wore whatever I want. Its remarkable how many people always commented on my size, how thin I was, how lucky. I was never a whinger though, I always loved my body and I’m so glad now that i wore teeny tiny bikinis at the beach because those days are well and truly over! Had my first baby, bounced back pretty quick, second baby was the same. Having my 3rd baby has been a different ball game!! My metabolism has slowed and I’ve got a porky waist for the first time! In my head I was still the skinny girl though, until I saw a full length photo of myself and someone asked me if i was pregnant again! I’m in the process of trying to shed some of the weight and its so hard! I’ve never had to do it before.

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 5 years ago

      It’s so lovely to hear from someone who loved their skinny body! I do have lots of friends who are experiencing the same thing. Having never had to watch what they ate to having be really strict about everything. It’s a huge change. Good luck! x

  17. Zoey 5 years ago

    I’ve spent most of my adult life as a fat person or a voluptuous person. There would be times when I would perfect the crash diet and I would be slim temporarily.

    I think you can’t compare skinny shaming to fat shaming because our entire society is set up to applaud skinny people and demonise fat people. So while that’s a really awful, horrible experience for that skinny person it’s not tantamount to the systematic bias that the fat person experiences every day of their life. Know one is going to see a skinny person and have a go at them for eating McDonalds, but they’ll have a go at the fat person for being unehalthy, lazy and weak willed.

    Once I got into my thirties I noticed how much harder it was to lose weight. Once upon a time I’d go for a few walks or look at a treadmill for a bit and I’d lose weight. Good times. And I’m someone who puts on gargantuan amounts of weight during pregnancy. I had a 2.5kg baby and I put on a good 40kgs.

    Which now is why I love running and crossfit. I get to eat a whole lot more (winning!) and although it’s not a quick fix I’ve slowly lost that weight over a three year period. Meanwhile my husband went for a few bike rides and lost ten kilos in a few weeks. I HATE HIM #saidwithlove.

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 5 years ago

      Oh my god I know! Mr Smaggle did the 5;2 diet because he heard it increases productivity and he lost like 3 kg in a week. I want to kill him. Good on you with the running and the crossfit and also the quitting smoking! You’re all over it girl. Such an inspiration. x

  18. Bravo, beautiful. I love this post (and you) hard. xx
    We always want what we don’t have, don’t we?
    I want to kick the absolute living shit out of myself for wishing I was skinny when I was younger. I’d just spent 5 years in a back brace, followed by spinal surgery and then I had to audacity to criticise my body for not being slim – all because it had matured and developed and I now had hips and a butt.
    Fuck. Off. Young. Sonia.
    I’m now easily 10kg heavier than Young Sonia and I am more content in my skin that ever, but it’s still a battle. Some days I wish my hips were narrower, my butt smaller, that I didn’t have a sway back, that my tummy didn’t poke out.
    And then I remember: I spent 5 years in a back brace. I had spinal surgery which means I have 8 rods and 16 screws in my spine.
    I. Am. Fine. Just the way I am.

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 5 years ago

      Oh my love I had no idea you went through that. I’ve never experienced anything like that but I have a friend who had bad arthritis as a child and it’s certainly changed her perspective on her body. When your body won’t do basic things like walk and stand it makes burning calories effectively seem like a bit of a silly nag. Thank you for this wonderful perspective!

  19. Cilla 5 years ago

    I’m in exactly the same boat.
    Once you have lost a significant amount of weight, it becomes harder to lose weight again if you regain (There is good research to back this up).
    I would love to just be able to accept the shape I am in. I am working toward that.
    FYI you looked the bomb dot com last night at the book launch you gorgeous thing.

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 5 years ago

      Thank you darling – it was so lovely to meet you finally! What a pleasure! I’ve read that about weight loss too… The longer you are a certain weight the more comfortable your body becomes at that weight and it becomes your default. So annoying. 🙂

  20. Nicoll Heaslip 5 years ago

    Carly, this is such a great post. I think it’s a concept that probably resonates with most people regarding some issue. For me, it was being taller than everyone else (180cm) I knew while at school, including the boys, who only caught up once we were in year 12. I can remember girls talking about their weight, everyone was around 50kg. When I mentioned I was 65kg (all perfectly normal when you are at least 20cm taller!) the reaction was astoundingly negative, and made me feel ashamed. My daughter is now 14 and at least a couple of inches taller than me, and I’ve been on a mission to make sure she doesn’t feel like a freak. We talk about this stuff a lot. We don’t weigh ourselves, and the size of clothes and shoes we wear is because we are proportionally bigger than most others. It makes it difficult to buy clothes without exposing youself somewhere. I hate it when people mention numbers, because we are all different, and so they really are irrelevant unless you’re ‘average’. I’ve grown to see that people really only worry about themselves, and any comments they make are just a reflection of themselves (but try telling that to a teenager!).

    I had the pleasure of meeting you last night Carly, and before I realised it was you, the first thought through my mind was how fantastic you looked. Yes, you are curvy, but in a very sensuous, very fabulous way! Your skin was glowing and your hair was fab too (we spoke about that!). I know that this does not have anything to do with your struggles but you should know it anyway. Also, I neglected to tell you how much I enjoy your writing – it’s intelligent and thoughtful and I’m very glad that you share with us. x

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 5 years ago

      Oh my goodness what a wonderful comment thank you so much! I totally agree. Have you read Caitlin Moran’s How To Be A Woman? There’s an amazing chapter in there where she talks about being overweight and then losing weight and now settling somewhere at a size 14 to 16 and she talks about body perception in terms of children. She said if you ask a child to draw a picture of you and it’s a triangle with a head you’re doing fine. If you ask a child to draw a picture of you and it’s a round balloon circle with a head then maybe it’s time to lay off on the fast food and fries. It’s such a great way to look at it. She calls it being ‘human shaped’. It’s exactly what you’re talking about with you and daughter (and myself being one of the proportionately larger people out there). We’re human shaped… and doing just fine! 🙂

  21. Mrs. M 5 years ago

    Have no word other than “Preach sister. Amen”. God, I wish I felt differently, but I can’t.

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 5 years ago

      Me too! I want to not want it but I can’t! 🙂

  22. catbeloverly 5 years ago

    I just think you’re awesome. I have been thin though never skinny, then fat, then thin, then thinner and thinner (hello stress, depression and insane amounts of breastfeeding) and now I’m pretty average but putting weight on. I still feel fat though.My brain hasn’t caught up with what I looked like now. I am watching calories, exercising and doing all that is “right” so I don’t put weight back on and I HATE focusing on that stuff. I would much rather just get on and live than worry about health and exercise and calories and blah, blah, blah. What I have realised though is that after having a close family member die due to morbid obesity I have to take control of my weight situation if I want to be healthy. My Mum is also morbidly obese and her health suffers greatly and I hate seeing her unwell. She misses out on cool stuff because of her relationship with her body. I don’t want to not be around for my children when I’m old so though it’s boring for me to focus on my health like that I think given my genetics it’s necessary. What I think though is that everyone should work on being happy with themselves. It’s the judgey that makes me super dooper grumpy.

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 5 years ago

      Thank you darling that comment was lovely. Exactly. And that’s why I’m not as small as I’d like to be because I really value my health and happiness and I don’t want to be a miserable dieter my entire life!

  23. Sister, I hear you. We talked about this and I am very much the same. Never, ever been skinny. Even as a kid. I do not know what it feels like. Society applauds skinny – reveres it. I have to work every single day to not put on weight. Thank goodness I changed my mindset to a health one 12 months ago because life is too short to think we are anything less than awesome regardless of our size.

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 5 years ago

      Exactly! We’ll forever be friends in ‘drinking our calories’ crime! And thank you for sharing your journey with health it’s certainly made a big difference to my journey too. x

  24. Tine 5 years ago

    I look like I’m of average size in Australia but I’ve always been considered big when growing up and living in Malaysia. Dad would always boast of the fact that Mum was only 99 pounds when he married her (hell, I was 99 pounds when I first started high school). I’m never told I was fat to my face but in people’s eyes, I was, in people’s eyes the better term, “plump”. A lot of Asians have the notion that in order to look good, you must be thin.

    I put on a lot of weight when I was in the UK for uni. Those days were the heaviest I’ve ever been. When I started work, I had male colleagues ask me if I have ever considered going on a diet. Then I went into a relationship so toxic that I lost at least 2 years of my life in depression. I drank a lot, lost a significant amount of weight, lost my bum, lost my boobs and quite frankly at that time, lost my will to live. Guess what? I received more compliments about how good I looked then than I ever did before. Well, next to my wedding day but then again people have to say I look good just because I’m the bride. 😛

    Thankfully, things improved. I got out of the relationship and very slowly build myself up again. Build my self-esteem and self-worth up again. The next relationship I was in ended up me marrying the fella and why I’m now living in Australia. I’m now happier than I’ve ever been, and I’ve gained all that weight back and then some. Every time I go back to Malaysia, I’ll get the comments “gee you’ve put on weight, haven’t you?” All I say is “Thanks. Took me a while to get here.”

    Would I change anything of myself? Sure, I’d like to be healthier. 5kg lighter would be good for my health since I have such poor stamina and am always out of breath running. But if you ask me if I want to be thin, it just reminds me of shitty days and I’ll say thanks but no thanks.

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 5 years ago

      Oh totally! I feel so sorry for Westernised Asians – we’ve ruined you! I have a friend who is exactly the same – she (like you!) had a banging slightly smaller than average for a Australia body and she’s considered really chubby in Singapore where she’s from. It’s a nightmare. You don’t need to lose a kilo love you look gorgeous!

  25. Tine 5 years ago

    Oh and this is one hell of a great post from you Smags. One of your best for sure. x

  26. missellie13 5 years ago

    Thus is a great post. I know exactly what you mean. I lost 16kg a couple of years ago and still had 10kg to go to get to a size 12 but I just haven’t been able to get there and have actually put on 7kg. Stress eating, happy eating, holiday eating, there’s always a reason I want to eat. Why can’t I just wake up skinny one day? Why can’t food be invented that tastes great but doesn’t hang around making me fat? And why does weight go on so bloody quickly and off so bloody slowly?

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 5 years ago

      Oh my god we’re identical! I have about 10 kilos I’d love to lose but just haven’t been able to budge it. So frustrating. Plus I really love wine… 🙂

      • missellie13 5 years ago

        What is it about that last 10kg? I’m lucky that a few years ago I went right off alcohol so I rarely drink now. But Oh My God, chocolate, Scotch Finger biscuits, Tim Tams, McDonalds for dinner when I can’t be bothered cooking, fancy afternoon tea when I’m on holiday, you name it, IT CALLS ME…

        I wasn’t fat as a teen but I was bigger than my friends. I realise now I have a different body shape – they were all athletic body types, straight up and down and not so curvy and I am a true hourglass. But my mother – who should have known better – just used to nag and nag about me losing weight and looking nice and trim like friend x or y. I guess it had to go one way or the other – I could have become anorexic/bulimic and been far too thin but instead I just developed a rebellious and unhealthy attitude involving food.

        And now I’m 46 and should be able to control myself…

        • Author
          Carly Jacobs 5 years ago

          I’m brilliant at control my body just totally ignores. I’m totally capable of having just one Tim Tam but one Tim Tam is enough to make me not lose weight that week so it’s NO Tim Tams no nothing. I have to be 100% strict for any diet to work. It’s torture!

  27. Lisa Mckenzie 5 years ago

    I think you’re beautiful and I don’t think you’re fat either but that IMO not yours ,my daughter feels this way she is a size 14 and tall about 5ft 10 and thinks she is fat but she has me a short 5ft 4 mother with a small build,I would love to be curvy and she would love to be skinny we are never happy are we!!

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 5 years ago

      Oh it’s so hard isn’t it? I know my weight was tough for mother… we’re all quite big in my family and extended family so it’s a big issue around these parts. It’s so hard being tall too when you’re a teenager. It’s gets easier in adulthood I promise!

  28. Anonymous 5 years ago

    Yes. I would be skinny. My husband wouldn’t have left me – he said he would love me more if I weighed less – his problem because I was 52 kilos when we married, but I was not allowed to be imperfect. 72 kilos post baby was abhorrent. Almost no sex for over 10 years. Many will say *f**k him* you are better off without him, but truthfully my life has become an even bigger living hell since he left. It is falling apart. I have stayed afloat as long as I can. But the damage this sort of shit does to you – the mind fuck – lasts. I see him now as someone else’s husband. New father to a baby – digs deep as I lost so many of my own and could never give him the son he wanted. Feel like my body was an even bigger failure than just fat. Or wrinkles. Or sagging skin. Aging sucks.

    Internet dating – age appropriate men want pretty young things. Because like my ex – they can. The internet has widened the field and given 24/7 access to the next best thing. So no plan B.

    I was brave enough to go and start a business to build a better life for us. In spite of him and his shitty ideas of perfection. Take what money was left and invest in myself. It has been even harder than I imagined. I am sick of the struggle. Sick of being on my own. Sick or being 2 parents. Sick of never having enough money. Maybe he was right. It might only be a number on a scale but so much in this world seemingly hinges on it. I understand why women stay because the fallout in some ways is SO much worse. Maybe if I had worked my aging ass of and lived on lettuce leaves I would still be married. Maybe no happier. But probably less stressed. I also understand why someone like Robin Williams made the decision he did. Because this is a lonely and scary place to be. To try to be sane. And beautiful… and, and.. and… Why can’t we just… BE! I am no less a human being with depth and passion and feelings because of some lard hanging around my tummy and on my ass.

    So size in today’s world does matter. I try to tell my tween that it is all about who you are, not what you weigh or people’s perceptions about how you look. If I choose to eat anything unhealthy she asks if I think I am ever going to get a man. $hit. Despite MY best efforts the shitty ideals of society are getting to her. We are all beautiful in one way or another. I am hopeful that someone will see that again in me one day.

    And some may suggest I call lifeline and seek medical or psychological help. Done that but no more money and almost no access to free or low cost mental health support here in Australia. All this token BS when another celebrity kills themselves about getting help but the truth is there isn’t a lot. of REAL help. Practical help.

    So I find myself here because of a stupid fucking number on a scale. Sorry for the rant (and the swearing), but this touched a very raw nerve. Carly… you a gorgeous. Beyond gorgeous. I see ALL of you. Witty, poignant, I adore your amazing mane of hair, your body to me looks fabulous, you brighten my days with your words. You have more to give and more power and value to this community and the world than a number on a scale or a piece of clothing.

    • Christine 5 years ago

      My dear anonymous – such raw pain in your words. I truly feel for you. I have no great insights or words of wisdom to offer. I am afraid anything I say will sound trite, but I sincerely hope you find some peace and comfort in your future. You have lovely words for Carly and in those words I see beauty in you.

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 5 years ago

      Oh my darling girl what a beautiful response. I read this in bed last night and I couldn’t stop thinking about it. It is so hard to believe our own mantras isn’t it? The things you just said to me are so beautiful and totally brightened my day and I’d love so much for you to say those things to yourself. You are enough my love and you’ve achieved so much after your husband left and you’re getting stronger every day. Your husband wasn’t by the way, his actions have everything to do with him and nothing to do with you. Thinking about you lovely one and thank you so much for your beautiful words. I really, really appreciate it.

  29. Loops 5 years ago

    Like everyone I love this post! If I’m really honest I’ve never been fat or skinny (just always thought I was fat!!)
    My lowest weight was 48 kgs when I was throwing up after most meals at 15. My highest weight at 71.5 is right now 4 months after my first boy.
    Sadly there are things in my life I have very little recollection of BUT I could tell you what I weighed and what amount of calories I was consuming and how much exercise I was doing!
    I wish I never started worrying about my weight because I believe my life would have been much happier and content so now I’m trying to work very hard at loving the body I have and for what it’s done. It’s giving me the most beautiful little boy and help me achieve a lot of things in my life!
    Sadly I have watched my best friend try painstakingly for children to no avail and I now know this is far worse than any weight battle. Then yesterday a gorgeous 34 year old girl I know with a 5 and 3 year old was buried after losing a very short battle with breast cancer. I can’t get her out of my head because deep down I know thigh size won’t count when faced with leaving your loved ones.
    It’s bloody hard to rewire a 36 year old brain that still thinks like a 15 year old but im determined to do it.
    Big hugs to you!! Xx

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 5 years ago

      Oh what an excellent attitude! I love it! It’s hard to pin point at what stage people become obsessed with their weight. I think it’s when their weight is different to everyone elses. Good luck on your journey lovely one. x

  30. Nic 5 years ago

    Love this. I am a non-practicing fat person. I automatically look in the large section even though my jeans have been 8 to 10 for a couple of years now. I can tell you the Kilojoule content of almost any food and know my bmi. I am relatively tall ( 176cm) and people would always say “at least you have the height to carry it” . Now people always tell me I have lost weight when I see them Even though I have been within 4 to 5 kg of the same weight for a few years. They remember me bigger and are almost accusing when I don’t fit their expectation.

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 5 years ago

      I’m exactly the same – I’ve been within the same 5 kilo bracket for YEARS and when people haven’t seen me in a while they always go ‘Oh gosh! You’ve lost weight!’ and I like ‘Yeah no… not since about 2002!’. Fat memory. It sucks!

  31. Chelsea Sutherland 5 years ago

    Do you know, I don’t know that I would choose to be skinny instead. I honestly think that being fat has taught me how to be healthy. 93kg is still the best I’ve achieved, and these days it’s more like 95 – 98kg but neither of those figures are the 146kg I started at. I’m still overweight, probably obese by some measures but I am fit now. At least 75% of what I eat is healthy, whole foods. And if I have more than one day off exercise I feel it. Even if I ever reach goal weight I’ll have to work at keeping it forever, I don’t know what skinny feels like because I have always been “chunky”, in a size 14ish clothes. But since I started my mission to “lose weight” (which has turned into a “be fit & healthy” mission over the years moreso than caring about a number) I know what healthy feels like and I like it.

    • Chelsea Sutherland 5 years ago

      PS “Mr Chelsea” is like Mr Smaggle – can eat what he wants, still bust out a run or a row without any training, loses weight in situations where I gain. Sometimes I want to stab him even though I love him lots.

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 5 years ago

      That is so brilliant, I’m so proud of you! And what an excellent attitude you have. That’s why you’re having such great success with your health journey because you love feeling strong and well. It’s really the only way to go. There’s no way I would have maintained my weight loss the way I have if I didn’t think like that! Internet high five!

  32. What a wonderful post, I heart all of this so, so much. I got very teary reading it as so much of this resonates me and my last 25 years as a fat or really, majorly fat person.

    This >>> “I literally have no idea what it feels like to be skinny.” And this >>> “My weight is something that I struggle with every day, every meal, every minute.” Oh yes.

    I am working on my weight a lot right now, in fact today is 500 days since I started my own healthy living project, and I feel like I need a chip or something, like you might get at AA. Because I’m a food addict, and this stuff is bloody hard to get a handle on.

    I’ve lost of lot of weight but have lots to go. The whole thing is a total mind f**k but I’m working on it – slowly. I’m 35 – and the last time I was at the weight I am now, I was about 14 years old – and right I’m now about a size 16, from size 22-24. I totally get having *literally* no idea what it feels like to be skinny. I’m trying to adjust to being where I am at the moment – going from the ‘you’re gonna die soon’ section of the BMI wheel to the ‘you’re just fat’ section of the BMI wheel…

    I love your recollections of the school days! I also got overlooked for the singing roles – always cast as the ‘Mum’, ‘Aunt’, ‘Friend’ and not the lead… I was a better singer almost always, but not thin and leggy… just short and fat.

    Lovely, honest writing. Thank you for sharing.

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 5 years ago

      Oh good on you darling girl! What an amazing achievement! It’s actually one thing I struggle with in my advocacy of body pride and personal acceptance is that I’m also a huge believer in health and I can’t in all good conscious encourage women to embrace their bodies if they aren’t living healthy lives. I know lots of ‘big’ women who are so healthy and strong and that’s fantastic but I also know lots of ‘big’ women (and men) that aren’t healthy and strong and that’s actually a really big issue. Good on you. Keep fighting the good fight!

  33. Christine 5 years ago

    Carly, such soul-bearing stuff, which obviously resonates with so many. I am probably older than most of the other lovely ladies here, having been at primary school in the 1960s. Anyone else educated in Qld at that time will remember about 4 times a year the nurse would arrive at the school, we were all required to strip down to our bonds cottontails and singlets and get weighed and measured (height). I hated those days, dreaded them. I was always taller and heavier than any of the other girls. There was no privacy, we all lined up and took our turn, with the nurse bellowing out the results to be recorded by her offsider. Such humiliation.

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 5 years ago

      Oh you’d be surprised – I have a lovely little group of retirees that read my blog! 🙂 I had a really similar experience and it’s just humiliating. I had to go to the doctor and I was in year 7 or 8 and we went to listen to my breathing and made me take off my shirt. My mum was there and I swear she nearly cried for me it was so humiliating. I had to SIT DOWN with all my gross fat rolls everywhere, not wearing a shirt at the age 13 and I’ve never felt that disgusting in my life. That doctor was a dead set asshole.

  34. Marsha Calhoun 5 years ago

    Superb, thoughtful, heartfelt, poignant, and resonant words – from a genuinely beautiful woman. I’m also seriously impressed with the responses you have evoked – I have read every one of them, something I seldom do. Funny, just a few days ago I was reflecting that I have no idea what it would feel like to be pretty (I’m no oil painting, but I’ve never felt a need to put a bag over my head – I’m just average, like most people.) It made me sad, unreasonably so, but sad nevertheless – and knowing that the vast majority of women feel the same way (or at least, I suspect they do) makes me feel even sadder. I have known what it’s like to be skinny – I lost weight of necessity when my insides made eating anything but bread and broth impossible for a few months after my husband died; I noticed the irony but honestly didn’t enjoy it at all; I was never actually pleased with how I looked, although others commented favorably. And I have never been considered overweight by anyone but myself – at my skinniest, I still wasn’t happy with bits of me, and I can’t imagine that I ever will be because I seem to be tied inextricably to the ideals presented daily by a society that wants me to be dissatisfied with my size, my age, my skin, my hair, my entire physical self. Something’s wrong here, and it’s nice to hear someone else discussing it so intelligently and heartfully – thanks.

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 5 years ago

      What a gorgeous reply – thank you so much. I’ve been completely over-whelmed by the responses. I think it’s comforting for us all to know that we all feel the same way about one thing or another. I’m so sorry for your loss. That’s why I included the disclaimer about not including illness related weight loss – there’s nothing pleasing about losing weight through stress or illness. I do love how everyone looks different though which is so ironic because deep down we kind of all want to look the same… it’s such a strange little mindset. xxx

  35. I was a gangly kid until puberty kicked me in the stomach. The only time I’ve been “skinny” since then was when I had an eating disorder. My closest brother on the other hand is very naturally skinny. Growing up, he disliked his body just as much as I disliked mine. But as a teenager (and even a little bit now) I had a hard time being understanding when he would try to equate his unhappiness with mine. Food is not only something we eat to survive, but to socialise, and to comfort others and ourselves. He can have a bad day – or let’s face it, just be bored – and eat a couple of pizzas, a tub of ice cream, and a whole packet of Tim Tams and it will most definitely not make his “problem” worse. I eat any amount of pizza, or even a few too many carbs, and that is definitely going to heighten my issue. So he has his problem, but can experience the joys of food and I have my problem and have to stress about every bite that goes in.
    Also, society wants us to be skinny (but not “too skinny” and have curves only in “the right places”), but nobody wants to see us doing the things that it takes to be that way. I’ve had so many people give me shit because my dieting eating habits weren’t fun to be around, but those are the same people that would break me down to awful body part names like “muffin top” and “thunder thighs”. I’m at an age and a point that, yes, I’d still like to be thinner, but I also have a little more perspective at the end of the day that it doesn’t quite matter, in the grand scheme of things, as much as we think it does.

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 5 years ago

      It’s the social element of food that kills me the most. I love eating dinner with friends but if I do that once a week there’s absolutely no weight loss for me that week. I feel so badly for people that have suffered eating disorders. It’s such a nasty business and so difficult to recover from. Hugs for you lovely one. x

  36. Vicki | Style On V 5 years ago

    I remember having those taunts with myself as a teenager and trying hard to be skinnier. I was a skinny child and at the beginning of high school, only to put on loads of weight in my last three years of high school. I ma not skinny now but I am happy with my body and that I grew two beautiful daughters in my tummy, my problem area. Carly you are gorgeous and well done on a fabulous article. V x

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 5 years ago

      Thank you darling that’s so lovely to hear. It’s hard for people who were skinny and then gained weight it must be such a shock! x

  37. Mystery Case 5 years ago

    I recently had a session with my autoimmune specialist where I was made to strip and my height and weight were recorded (among other things). At the end he patted my 3 under 3 baby pouch and told me at my height size 12 was obese and I believe he then questioned if I wasn’t frequenting the all you can eat buffet. I wish. Like you I’ve struggled with my weight over the years, especially after kids but these last twelve months thanks to health issues I have no control over my weight or what I’m able to tolerate food wise at the moment. The highlight of my eating day is keeping a green smoothie (blended spinach and water) down.

    • Did you then punch him in the face? People like him are partially why I have such anxiety about being around doctors. Talk about lack of all tact and bedside manner.

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 5 years ago

      What a douche bag!!! No! That’s awful. I

  38. Mikaela 5 years ago

    This:

    “No one should ever make judgements about another person’s body, …”

    Is the answer.

    I grew up skinny and am still skinny, but my sister and mum are the opposite, so I know how hurtful both kinds of derogatory comments can be.

    Any body hangups I have now are purely because of OTHER PEOPLE being obsessed with pointing out how skinny I am, how do I manage to eat so much and still stay thin, oh my goodness have I ever noticed my wrists are like rakes and my ankles could snap like a twig??

    I would be pretty happy about my body if everyone else (people, the media, advertising) would just shut the hell up about it.

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 5 years ago

      I totally agree with you love. I have a friend who is like you and I used to comment on how tiny she was all the time until she was like ‘Um… can you stop please?’. I had no idea I was making her feel uncomfortable so I’ve never, ever said that again. I still think it though and still wish I had a magical body that let me eat things with out getting fat but like I said that’s not her problem and it’s not your problem either. I never comment on people’s bodies anymore. If I’m going to compliment someone I say ‘You look great!’ or ‘You’re glowing!’ or ‘That dress looks spectacular on you!’. I won’t glorify changes in other people’s bodies anymore because they’re moving organisms and most of us (like you and me) we have little control over them. xxx

      • Mikaela 5 years ago

        Muah. Only just read this now, and OF COURSE you didn’t offend me 😉 😉

  39. Alisa Muir 5 years ago

    Best article I think I have read on smaggle.

    So so much truth in there.

  40. This was amazing Carly – I want to hug you!

  41. blondeinkaus 5 years ago

    OMG!! This is and will always be my life – preach!

  42. God bless the early 80s – high school was not scarred by body loathing, we were just nerds who thought smoking was cool and cruelty was a sports option – recreation for the bored and boring. I feel so scared for my beautiful six year old niece, what will it be like for her? Fuck self-loathing in whatever form it creeps in.
    We are who we are, size 14, 18, 6 or 26.

  43. Jordan Best 5 years ago

    Great post, lady. I’m so sick of the obsession with bodies. I’m fat. Is that the most important thing about me? No. Does it define who I am? No. So why is it the only thing I can ever think of about myself? William tells me I’m not fat, I’m very very beautiful. I tell him I am fat, but more importantly I’m funny, and kind, and smart and talented. I have enough of a struggle just being a mum and a functioning member of the world without heaping shit on myself for my fat.

  44. Shawna 5 years ago

    I’m 5’9″, about 165 lbs and wear anything from size 10-12 but of course that’s modern sizes and I wore a size 12 in my twenties when I was 25 lbs lighter. On a day to day basis I don’t feel fat but when I see photos of myself I am always horrified because I look fatter than I feel. A short neck and substantial bust doesn’t help. Also, I dislike my height and would really like to be about 5’6″. I am so sick of people saying ‘oh I wish I were tall’ and ‘you are so lucky’. Really? How am I lucky? How is my height benefiting me other than allowing me to reach things off shelves for other people? Because I do not look like a model. To me, I just look big. And I hate it.

    There. I carry those feelings with me always, but I try not to make them a focus in my life. I try to just get on with t hings and I do most of the time. Until I see the next photo of myself.

  45. Rebecca 5 years ago

    Hi, I found this post via AlreadyPretty, and I just wanted to say “I hear you!” The best I’ve ever done is a very curvy size 12 as well, though my habit tends to be that I’ll exercise myself into injury (has happened twice now), and then the forced rest brings 7.5 kilos back on again and I’m back at square 1. I joke to my friends that I don’t have to eat–I can just give some food the stink eye and it’ll jump on to my ass in revenge. Here’s to fighting the war against genetics, I suppose.

    Then again, one thing that I’m grateful about is that I had to learn all the principles of Eating Right very early…so I’m ahead of the curve when it comes to metabolism changes later in life!

  46. iris 5 years ago

    “My wallet’s too small for my fifties and my diamond shoes are too tight!’”
    (Really like this quote). I feel like I have this kind of interpretation for most people’s complaints. It’s sort of a “first world problems” issue.

  47. Hannah Teej 5 years ago

    So fascinating. I know that as a girl who was ‘fat’ in high school (I wasn’t, people just told me I was and I believed it), I always wondered what it would be like to be skinny, until I look back on my old photographs and realise that actually, I was skinny. I knew exactly what it was like to be skinny but the body hatred was intense. So much so that I actually missed the opportunity to ‘know what it was like’ because teenagers told me that I was fat and I believed it. This experience alone makes me more sad than being overweight ever does. I am now a few dress sizes bigger than I was in high school and I’m happier now I’m away from those toxic environments. It’s so easy to get swept up in body size, and I still fall for it often. I hope your experiences get better or, at the very least, you find a way to keep fighting those horrible societal pressures of perfect bodies!

  48. Izabella Touma 4 years ago

    Im overweight , But not to the point where i’m obese and i’m 13 and i feel that being overweight changed me socially , mentally and emotionally and i just thought ,you know what! i don’t care what everyone thinks i was put on this earth to BE MYSELF not to impress i am who i am! , YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE and don’t change yourself , and as a teenager i’m sick of people around me saying .. ”honey your overweight you need to do something about it your gonna end up in a wheelchair” but i think to myself its my body not theirs. but it would be a good idea to try. High school is still to this present day a struggle for me. seeing skinny girls looking flawless with there hair all done up talking to boys and all. and as of me the fat 1 on the side just waiting for 1 wish if i were skinny for a day , i wonder how my life would be. but i wanna say you should be proud of WHO YOU ARE don’t wish you where like others. Thats one mistake i made and will not do again. BE YOURSELF! DONT LET ANYONE PUT YOU DOWN! STAND UP FOR YOURSELF! Thank you for this article it was awesome and inspirational <3

  49. Jason 3 years ago

    I’m coming from the other side of the spectrum, i’ve been really skinny my whole life. I understand that this would be a good trait for girls, but it sucks for me as a guy. I see other guys my age with huge biceps, forearms, and muscles that i want so badly, but no matter how much i eat i can’t bulk up. Every time i look in the mirror i feel so scrawny. Sure, i might be able to eat an entire pizza and not gain weight, but it really hurts my self esteem.

  50. Nowwatchmefly 1 year ago

    I’ve been almost 200 lbs since the 5th grade.. in 2015 I had my first son I nursed him for 15 months and started eating better as consequence of my pregnancy and breastfeeding and my taste changed.. I also become more active and I am now 27yrs old 5 “6 and 118 lbs and it is terrifying..I’ve never been afraid to loose weight but I liked my weight bc i realize now it was security… example: if I got sick and couldn’t keep food down for days at 200 lbs I was ok I could live on my “reserves” lol.. but at 118 if I get that sick I could die.. Idk I thought this was worth mentioning bc it’s something I worry about and never realized the opposite end of the spectrum but now I’m losing weight no matter what I eat and that’s a very scary thing when you really get to this point..

  51. Ashley 7 months ago

    I’ve never related to an article more in my entire life. ??

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