ast week I did something a bit daft. I attended a cycle class at the gym on the first day of my period. Clearly I’m a giant masochist and I like to punish myself by bouncing up and down on my tender lady garden when it’s already having a pretty rough time of it. I’m ruthless like that. Anyway half way through a set of gruelling mountain climbs, I experienced one of those period cramps that feels like your uterus is being wrung out like a lumpy sponge, so I gently sat back and slowly pedalled until it passed. The instructor yelled at me to not give up and I shouted back that I wasn’t feeling well and he let it slide.
I was kind of annoyed at myself for not telling him the real reason why I flaked. If I had a sore shoulder I would have told him. Same goes if I’d given blood that day, was in remission for cancer, had a knee replacement or was recovering from the flu. It’s important to be specific when a health professional questions you at the gym but for some reason it seems inappropriate and crass to tell a room full of people that I’ve got my period and I’ve decided that it’s utter bullshit.
To be honest, I’m not that shy about period talk most of the time. I do it often here on the blog and if you’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting me in real life I can swing a conversation from current issues to crotch clams in like 2 seconds. Dead set, I have serious skills. I’m totally fine talking about periods in front of women I know (and tens of thousands of faceless Smaggle readers) but for some reason, I tend to omit any menstruation chatter around strangers because I fear it might make them uncomfortable.
That’s the actual reason why I don’t talk about it in front of strangers, men in particular. Because if they knew that I was slowly and painfully shedding the lining of my uterus to the point where I’m a sweaty, nauseous, pale-faced mess it would make them think I’m gross which is so fucking backward and ridiculous it makes me cranky. No one thinks asthma is gross. No one is whispering to their PE teacher that they can’t participate that day because they have a head cold. No one thinks it’s unsavoury for a woman to say she’s suffering from morning sickness or a man to say he’s broken his toe. No one says ‘Please! I’m eating!’ if a co-worker admits they have a headache at the lunch table. So why all this weird aversion and secrecy to something that’s totally normal and not at all shameful?
I’m not suggesting that we all go around shouting from the roof tops that we’re ‘with flow’ for no apparent reason but as teenagers, girls are taught to tightly guard their menstruation like it’s the secret combination to the family vault that’s full of heirloom emeralds and I can’t for the life of me figure out why. I spent a lot of time in high school trying to get a tampon out of my bag without anyone seeing it and even up until recently, I still held my tampon clutched in a tight fist on the way to a public toilet so no one would know I was menstruating. How bonkers is that?
It’s always such a weird hidden secret. For example I switched to using a menstrual cup about a year ago (you can read all about it here) and I need to boil it for 5 minutes every month after I’ve used it. When I first started using a cup, I’d wait until my partner was occupied before I snuck to the kitchen to ‘boil away my shame’ but he caught me one day and was like ‘What’s that?’. I told him it was my menstrual cup and I was disinfecting it. He didn’t say anything but I suspect his main emotion about the incident was disappointment that I wasn’t cooking him food. His ambivalence pleased me because if he had an issue with it, I’d have an issue with it. I think he also quite likes my vagina and doesn’t want to anger it. Good life choice.
It’s obviously important to be hygienic and respectful with any kind of menstruation paraphernalia – no one wants to see a bloody tampon – but I’m tired of saying I’m generically ‘unwell’ or hiding tampons and pads in custom-made modesty pouches in my handbag in case it falls open on the train and a child is traumatised by the sight of my disgraceful sanitary napkins. From now on if someone asks me what’s wrong they’re going to be given an honest answer and I’m not going to hide my sanitary products on the way to bathroom as if they’re bags of cocaine. Having my period is normal, not gross and it’s totally okay to talk about it because menstruation is not a dirty secret.
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What about you? Are you secret squirrel about your period? Or are you like whatevs?
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28 Comments
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I could kiss you right now (figuratively speaking)! My period just started today and I thought about mentioning it on social media or my blog, but I held back because everyone tells you it’s just TMI. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not going to intimately describe every detail of the shredding of my uterus, but sometimes a girl just wants to bitch about it or explain something about her situation. This post is awesome. Because we shouldn’t care and we certainly shouldn’t be ashamed. Also? Uptight dudes just need to get over it. Blood comes out of there. Deal with it! Be glad it’s not you!
I got my period quite young (11) and so I got used to hiding evidence because a lot of my friends didn’t have it yet and tween boys are tween boys after all. Now as an adult, I do find it ridiculous that we’re not meant to mention it in case we gross some boys out or appear unclassy. UNCLASSY? It’s considered not classy to have your period? A really normal biological process that happens to half of the world’s population at some point or other? Seriously?
The feminist in me is a bit pissed off about that x-
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Totally! I’m like why is it okay to tell someone you have a headache but not your period? It’s totally bonkers.
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I’ve become more relaxed about it all since having a daughter. I don’t think it’s something to hide, more to just be modest about it all.
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That’s the kind of thing I try to avoid actually. No one is modest about having headache so why do we need to be modest about having our periods?
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At my Iyengar yoga class the teacher always asks who is menstruating (also, who is sick, injured, or pregnant) and then modifies the instructions for those who put their hand up accordingly. Its lovely to be able to honour your body and its needs that way without any fuss or shame in a public class.
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Yes! I have a barre body instructor who does that and it’s great!
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After going through IVF and pregnancy and having everyone literally all up in my business, I find it easier to talk about but I’m still not all HEY GUESS WHAT! when that time rolls around. I want to get better at it before my daughter hits puberty though so she’s comfortable discussing it with me and articles like this pave the way!
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I have really horrendous period pain so if someone asks me why I’m clutching the wall and deep breathing like I’m giving birth to a wombat I just tell them I have my period because there’s almost no other ailment that makes me do that.
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My husband can predict when my period is due better than I can (and I use an app for that)! No secrets in our house or amongst my friends… or even at work for that matter. I’ll pump Nurofen, cups of tea and have a wheat bag on my lap in full view of the office. I have to suffer, everyone’s suffering along with me! 😉
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I think it’s also different for women who have awful periods. I’ve got a friend whose periods are just a non-event. No pain, no swelling, no moodiness. So she’s like a dude and all ‘What’s the big deal?’. For some of us it is actual hell and hell is a lot more bearable when you have company.
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I’ve recently started telling the guys at work exactly whats wrong if they mentiom i seem quiet or upset when im full pms mood swinging. ‘Hormonal’ seems to be a good way to explain my off mood honestly without too many details. And ill say i have cramps too. Ive even had a few more detailed ‘girlfriend’ lile chats with a few of them if its come up in conversation. They all have partners and daughters so its nothing new to them either so why do we need to be all hush about it 🙂
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Exactly! Preach it!
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Im an oversharer and willing tell anyone when my womb is dragging along the floor, or at least feels like it is!
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It totally does feel like your womb is dragging on the floor doesn’t it???
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I love this, I am really open about it with my kids, mainly because I can sometimes get really bad PMS and I don’t want them to get confused about how moody I can get. So I explain to them in great detail how having your period can make you feel.
The last time I was experiencing It all, my 16 yr old son sat the little kids down with a movie and said mums on her period, it makes her feel yuck, give her a break and then my 11 year old son brought me a glass of water, my heat pack and told me he was sorry I was ‘on my PMS’.
I’m sure their future girlfriends will thank me one day.
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Yes! My partner calls my PMS the time of month when my feelings are valid. I’m not at all a moody person, I’m fairly consistently upbeat but I get really sad around my period and when Mr Smags asks if I have my period I’m always like ‘MY FEELINGS ARE VALID!!!’.
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Great post, Carly. I’m comfortable with talking about menstruation in almost any setting. Yet, at work for example, I try to hide that I’m carrying a tampon in my hand to a public toilet (because it’s just as weird to suddenly take your purse when everyone knows you don’t do that everyday). I totally agree that we’re taught to be embarrassed or ashamed of something that’s perfectly natural. Another reason women might hide it is because we still live in a world that thinks women can’t function while menstruating and this is used against us.
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Exactly! I have another post brewing about how PMS is not a joke. No one goes around saying ‘What are you having like a panic attack or something?’ to people with anxiety disorders so why is it okay to make a snide crack at someone who is PMS-ing?
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I’m already making colleagues at work uncomfortable with my swearing and brutal honesty, I think if I added menstruation to the mix, I’d have no friends at work! 😀 As for everyone else, I keep to myself for the week before and during my period because nobody needs to be subjected to my irrational, emotional, PMS rage.
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I get a bit rage filled around my period too but I’m freaking delightful for the other three weeks of the month so everyone can stick it and deal with it!
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I had a similar epiphany to you about a year ago. I’m pretty open about talking about menstruation both on my blog and in real life with people I know, but I’m more candid when I’m around strangers. I’m slowly trying to unravel years and years of conditioning (both overt and covert) that’s led me to think that my period is something that should be kept a secret and under no circumstances should I tell anyone when it’s actually happening. It takes time though. I think the biggest problem for me is the fear of people’s reactions, and the worry that people with think I’m revolting if I mention that I have my period. But I’m yet to get a grossed-out reaction and I’m slowly feeling less anxious about revealing that I’m menstruating when it’s necessary to do so.
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You’re absolutely right and there is a tight fist smuggle as you enter and leave the loo. Especially if you’re at a friends house or hit the bathroom with the all the girls in tow. Trying to act normal instead of embarrassed is quite an art. Perhaps a range of handbags suitable for carrying them are needed with “Yep, it’s that time again”written on it! #nolongersubtle
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If anyone asks me how I am around that time of the month I usually just say I’m tired and cranky cus my uterus is trying to kill me. Sensible people get. Awesome people give me food.
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Hi Lady Smaggle, this would be an excellent spot to promote Share the Dignity (you can find them on Facebook), a charity drive where people can donate feminine hygiene products for homeless women. I’d encourage everyone to contribute if they can!
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I have a friend who once got quite tipsy when we were out having drinks, and started loudly preaching “Let’s start talking about menstruation more!” I love her.
Also: “hide my sanitary products on the way to bathroom as if they’re bags of cocaine”, YES, this is exactly what it is like and its so stupid. I remember spending a good 20mins in high school every time I had to try to get the pad from my bag into my pocket without anyone seeing. I could probably be a drug smuggler for real with all of that covert action…
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You know you are absolutely right! Like you I can talk about it with friends etc till the cows come home but you made me realise I still do the clutching of tampon in tight fist on the way to the loo. Plus I have this pretty little purse in my bag that contains pads & tampons in case my bag spills its content on the floor or something. But you’re right. It’s crazy! If people are traumatised by seeing an unused tampon then that’s their problem!
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I know I’m a bit late in here, but can I just say, this was really interesting reading – including everyone’s comments! I don’t know if it’s been heard about around the world, but there’s been quite a fuss kicked up about this sort of thing here in the UK recently, after MPs voted against removing a tax on ‘sanitary items’ (it’s been labelled the ‘tampon tax’) – they are taxed as luxury items! I was speechless I was so angry, and I wasn’t the only one! Of course…they’re mostly male MPs!
It’s also really great to read this and relate to others like me who, because of the effects of my period, simply can’t get away with hiding it! I live at home with my parents, and have had to come to terms with the fact that my Dad can predict my period as well as I can – I don’t just get grumpy (although I could get a medal for it…) I also suffer from depression, hitting rock bottom (sometimes quite seriously) a few days before my period…then of course the period hits which never exactly improves the situation! Ain’t it just wonderful being a woman? -
Unfortunately society shames us for speaking about menstruation. But some guys tend to be ok with it and understanding, the ones who have had female partners long term generally seem to get it. I’ve spoken to my male friends who have had girlfriends about it before and generally they seemed to be quite understanding, supportive and inquisitive in a good way. I had this male flatmate who once bought me tampons, which was awesome of him. He was raised amongst 3 girls. Then you get those immature types who flee at the sight of a wrapped non-used tampon, and avoid any sort of conversation possible, creating an air of awkwardness. With those types, you know they lack female interaction to have such an overreaction. But yes, I think every girl feels embarrassed unfortunately. The only people I would not feel embarrassed with, and ok with leaving unused boxes of tampons around is my closest female friends or mother when I am visiting. For some reason being on your period makes you feel disgusting, but I think it’s just the way society makes us feel.
