A Message For Mothers From a Grown Up Daughter. You Did Good.

A Message For Mothers From a Grown Up Daughter. You Did Good.
Carly Jacobs

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Hey Mum,

I just wanted to drop you a line to say that you did good. I’m grown up now and I’m really starting to get the whole ‘being my mum‘ thing.

I’ve written about my dad before.  It’s more difficult to write about you though because our relationship is more complicated. You were the main advice giver, always. You told me I was smart. You told me I was beautiful. You told me I was talented.

You also had to tell me heaps of things that I didn’t want to hear. You told me I needed to exercise and watch my weight. You told me my singing voice needed development. You told me that bitch in high school was going to betray me. You told me that I needed to pay my own rent because you sure as hell weren’t going to pay it for me.

My father never told me any of that. I never hated him for any of that. You strapped on your armour and went in to battle for a cause where I was the main beneficiary.  It was extraordinarily selfless of you. No one wants to be the consequence police, but you always were. The Ambassador of The Worst Case Scenario. Sometimes I laugh about it, often with you, but it was a huge job to take on and you did an amazing job.

I turned out pretty good. I’m a functional adult and most people like me. I pay my own rent and I even eat vegetables every day. I have a career that I adore and a man who delights me. None of this happened by accident. It happened because you built me up when I needed it, you brought me down when I needed it, you told me you loved me when I needed it and you told me I was being a shit when I needed it.

I was a fierce child. I don’t mean difficult, I mean fierce. I’ve always had opinions, I’ve never conformed, I’ve ‘paddled my own canoe‘ as you often like to say. I was born with a major bitch streak that you never let get out of control. It took hard work to make me use it for good instead of evil. I remember. Every time I said something that was a little too sassy, I got a rundown in the car on the way home. ‘Sweetie, I know you thought you were being funny but how do you think that person felt when you said that?‘. Those conversations weren’t fun for me and I’m pretty damn sure they weren’t fun for you but they were so necessary. Thank you for persevering, even when you knew you were making me feel bad. It was worth it.

I used to watch some of the other girls my age chuck tantrums after fights with their mothers. I’d watch these mothers coddle and cajole their daughters. The daughters would repeat their tantrums again and again and be rewarded with attention again and again. I tried it a few times and you told me to get over myself. Diva behavior was never tolerated in your house. You’d roll your eyes and tell me to let you know when I was done being a princess. I was taught pretty bloody quickly that being a little cow got me nowhere.

I hope this doesn’t read like we had/have a difficult relationship. We don’t at all. We’re best mates. We always have been. You’ve had a harder job being in my life than anyone else ever has. That’s not to say I was a rotten child, but I was a child who needed to be taught some shit. So you rolled up your sleeves and you bloody well did it. I’m not a mother, but I am a grown up and I understand things more clearly than I did when I was a kid. I always knew I had a great mum, but now I really, really appreciate how important that is.

For the other mothers out there, I want you to know, if your toddler has chucked a tanty because you won’t give him a third chocolate, you’re doing good. If that same toddler greets you like a superstar after childcare, you’re doing good. If your teenaged daughter has the shits because you won’t buy her an iPhone for her birthday, you’re doing good. If that same teenaged daughter crawls on to your lap when she’s just had her heart broken, you’re doing good. If you have grown up children who can’t think of anything better than spending a weekend with you, you’re doing good. 

As for my mum? You did good. You did bloody good. Now pour yourself a glass of red wine, you big sissy, and quit your blubbering. I love you. 

Love

Carly

xxx

22 Comments

  1. Nikki | Styling You 6 years ago

    Oh bloody hell, Carly, I’m in tears. Love this. So honest and real. Hope I’m doing this for my daughter x

    • Author
      Smaggle 6 years ago

      I’m 100% sure that you are. I’m yet to meet your kiddies but they seem like gems and it’s because of you. x

  2. Such a lovely post Carly.
    I’ve super lucky with who I got as my parents, and I try and remember that as much as possible. My mum is sweet, kind and a little bit ridiculous. She never fails to make me laugh, and I know she’d be there for whatever I needed with a hug and a side of tough love too.

    • Author
      Smaggle 6 years ago

      That’s why I think it’s important to talk about the tough love. It’s so important.

  3. Debyl1 6 years ago

    I am blubbering along too !
    What a beautiful post your Mum couldn’t help but be so very proud of.
    Thank you for sharing these words as you have given me hope that all I am doing with my girl might just be ok and maybe I’m not “the worst Mum eva” 🙂 xx

    • Author
      Smaggle 6 years ago

      HA! You’ll probably hear that a few more times but when she’s all grown up you’ll never hear it again! xxx

  4. Kelly Exeter 6 years ago

    Love this Carly. Go mum!

    • Author
      Smaggle 6 years ago

      Yeah she’s pretty rad. 🙂

  5. Mandy Mason 6 years ago

    Such a beautiful post. Sounds like our Mum’s were and are very similar. I’m at the other end now with 3 kids, one a tween. We are starting down that road at full pace, fingers crossed I do as well as my Mum.

    • Author
      Smaggle 6 years ago

      I’m sure you will! Your mum sounds great so it’s only natural you will be too. x

  6. daddownunder 6 years ago

    Great post Carly and having met you a few times, you are one of the most “functional” (or awesome) people I’ve met and a pleasure to be around. Good job Mummy Smaggle.

    • Author
      Smaggle 6 years ago

      Thanks man! You made me all blushy. You’re a bit of alright yourself. x

  7. ClaireyHewitt 6 years ago

    What a beautiful post. We can all hope to be as good mums as yours.

    • Author
      Smaggle 6 years ago

      It’s about the balance of gooey love and tough love! I’m sure you’re doing a bonza job. x

  8. Lorraine @ Not Quite Nigellai 6 years ago

    Beautiful post!! You turned out wonderfully Carly-don’t be so modest! 😉 x

    • Author
      Smaggle 6 years ago

      I’m getting all blushy over the comments here! Thank you petal. xxx

  9. Anonymous 6 years ago

    Love this post! Reminds me so much of my relationship with my mum. I’ll show her this post and tell her that she too did bloody good.

    • Author
      Smaggle 6 years ago

      Please do! I would love that!

  10. cilosophy.blogspot.com 6 years ago

    There are a lot of parents who confuse constructive feedback as self-esteem eroding criticism.
    It is an important job of a parent to bring us down to earth and get us to pull our heads in. Otherwise, the world will do it, and at an age where it is hard to get back from.
    But fantastic post, Carly. I hope Mamma C read this
    cilla xx

    • Author
      Smaggle 6 years ago

      She sure did, bright and early in the morning. She texted me straight away!

  11. Nessbow 6 years ago

    This is so gorgeous. I feel much the same way about my mum. I realise how hard it must have been for her to teach me the lessons I needed to learn. I was a really rough kid: precocious, wild and too clever for my own good. But she helped to to reign that in and put it to good use. I’m so grateful to her because I know that I could have very easily grown up to be a total bitch, but I didn’t, and her guidance was a massive part of that.

  12. Andi Perullo 6 years ago

    I literally feel like I could have written this myself! Beautiful!!!

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