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Have a Rant Friday

Have a Rant Friday
Carly Jacobs

Here is an email conversation that I’ve been having with a little charmer that I like to call Loser. It’s a good one…

Loser – You charged me twice. WHY DID THIS HAPPEN??? ARE YOU INCOMPETANT???

Lady Smaggle – (after checking her perfect Virgo records) Actually what happened was you already bought and paid for the product once and then enquired if we had received your payment. I asked you for more details and you didn’t reply. You then, rather stupidly, and without consulting us bought and paid for the product a second time. I am happy to refund you the full amount although I should charge you the admin fee because this whole thing was your fault. If I could reach you, I would flick you in the face.

Loser – Well you HAVE to give me a refund because I’m a sooky la la. I also have no understanding of the fact that you are doing me a huge favour and I’m going to be a real whingy little pain in the arse. Blah, blah, blah, some crap about customer rights.

Lady Smaggle – Whatever. Here’s your refund. You’ll get a cheque in a few weeks. Quit being a bitch.

A few days later…

Loser – WHERE IS MY REFUND???? WHY IS THIS PROCESS SO TIME CONSUMING???? (This is an actual quote… what a nut bar)

Lady Smaggle – You’ll get a cheque in a few weeks. I gave you a full refund even though you bought another product without first consulting us. Just calm the fuck down.

Loser – Okay. Where did you send it? TO THE ADDRESS ON MY APPLICATION FORM???

Lady Smaggle – Yes. When people give me their addresses I generally assume that’s where they live.

Loser – BUT I’VE MOVED HOUSE!!!!

Lady Smaggle – Just give me your new address and I will send it there instead. Now run along to the doctor and have that big vein in your head removed before it pops and gives you permanent brain damage.

Loser – Thank you

I just don’t understand why people open the forum with aggression. All of the events that occurred were his fault yet instead of calmly trying to find a solution to his problems he yells at me until I point out what a stupid loser he is (very professionally of course) and then he thanks me for helping him. If people have anger management issues they should really seek help. And not breed.

What’s got your goat today my little sugar snap? Tell Lady all about it…

Love Lady Smaggle

xxx

 

15 Comments

  1. x Miss Corrine x 15 years ago

    Oh, I completely agree! In my most recent job, part of my role was to look after all magazine subscriptions/handle reader enquiries – while 90% of the people I spoke with were absolutely lovely, there were the 10% that were VERY fond of the aggressive approach, like your dear customer above! It is unbelievable and totally senseless!

    My gripe for today, I must warn you, is utterly silly and makes me feel like a fool discussing it, but it is still gripe-able – bathrooms without paper towels. Why, why, WHY must we be subjected to crappy little hand-drying devices that you always have to line up for and never even dry your hands properly?!

    Phew 😀 There’s my rant for the day.

  2. Nadist 15 years ago

    I’m really bad at rants, being as I am both Pollyannna-esque and forgetful. But I’ve been saving this little issue for you, m’Lady:

    Men who wax. Why? Why??? It’s gotta hurt, it looks fake, vain and effeminate, and it’s Not Sexy. To reference my favourite show ‘Chuck’ (as I so often do): Chuck plus unbuttoned shirt plus hair = hot. Casey plus unbuttoned shirt plus hair = smokin’ hot! [Swoons.] Captain Awesome minus shirt minus any body hair at all = meh. Big yawn.

  3. Shannon 15 years ago

    90210 isn’t on tonight! And clearly I am the last one to find out about it, because I had a whole 90210 fest planned this evening. I’m DEVASTATED.

  4. Ali-bell 15 years ago

    Yay, I was hoping for a ranting opportunity.
    Yesterday I was in the ladies room at uni, and this girl comes out of the toilet, washes her hands, dries them, starts walking towards the door, then turns and spits on the floor.
    firstly, I do not GET why anyone ever feels the need to spit on the ground. I just do not understand that. but I see a lot of people do it, so I’m disgusted but kind of ok with it. but this girl was in a room with about 10 toilets and, I dunno, 6 sinks? that’s 16 possible drainholes for her to dispose of her saliva into, and she spits on the floor? what the hell?

  5. princessnaea 15 years ago

    MISUSE OF THE COMMA MISUSE OF THE APOSTROPHE MISUSE OF THE SEMI-COLON AND WHY CAN’T SECOND YEAR LITERATURE STUDENTS SPELL *ANYTHING AT ALL*??????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    [head explodes]

  6. E 15 years ago

    A helpdesk that tells me that my problem is rated minor and that they’ll have it fixed on or before sometime next week.
    I’ll just sit here and wait then.

    That noise?
    That’ll be my screaming clients/deadlines.

  7. Scribbles 15 years ago

    My rant for today is dumb boys who act like they’re in the dating game when clearly they have issues that they still need to sort out… grr.

  8. Grant 15 years ago

    I have to say I couldn’t agree more with Nadist, men who wax are gross. I hate that disgusting, plucked chicken look! Bodyhair for men is like tending a garden: matinence is fine, pouring a concrete slab over it is just dumb!

    My rant for the day, Lady S, concerns something completely benign and silly but it has really got my goat: Dust. WHERE DOES IT ALL COME FROM??? Now I admit, if I dusted more often I wouldn’t have a problem, but I am having a dust-crisis now that I am moving. There are parts of my current bedroom which I assumed were in constant shadow. Now, I have discovered to my sheer joy that it is dust so THICK it has changed the colour of the carpet in places! WTF??? Why? Why is this happening to me?

    I’m such a nice person 🙁 Xx

  9. Josephine 15 years ago

    i hate customers that come into my store (MY STORE bitches) and then look at me like i’m grossly inconveniencing them by daring to say hello. sorry for being polite, geesh.

  10. april 15 years ago

    Sooooo many people do that kind of thing! It’s like the plague of retail. I once had a woman spit chewed up crackers in my face until I agreed that she could have a refund on an item that was clearly marked and highlighted “final sale” on both the item ticket and her receipt. She was so irate from the start that even when I finally agreed to give her the refund (after about 5-10 minutes of arguing and trying to understand what this woman was saying through a mouth full of crackers whilst all the while dodging and onslaught of cracker spittle), she hadn’t noticed and continued to argue and spit regurgitated baked goods at me. I had to actually yell at her in slow and plain english that “I. AM. GIV-ING. YOU. YOUR. MO-NEY.” She then immediately put her bag of crackers into her purse, swallowed the wad of flour and waited patiently for her cash. She had it planned all along… evil.

  11. Kerrin 15 years ago

    I had a shop keeper yell at me on Thursday because I gave some money to a homeless man outside his shop. I will NEVER buy another thing from his lousy shop (and I told him so). Where is the love??

  12. E(ileen) 15 years ago

    Hi Lady Smaggle, I don’t really have a rant, but would like to ask you: is “sooky la la” a common term? I have never heard the full term from anyone but my (Aussie) husband, but have heard “sooky” before. Anyone else who knows, please reply too 🙂

  13. Lady Smaggle 15 years ago

    Miss Corrine – I just don’t get it. If people are sweet to me I will anything for them. I’m like a puppy. Just scatch me behind the ear and I’m yours. I do not respond to aggression.

    Nadist – Ew me too. Especially naturally hairy guys. When they are all bald and their hands are covered in fur… It’s just so wrong.

    Shannon – I’d really rather not talk about it. I’m quite scarred.

    Ali-bell – Oh my god! That’s the worst bathroom story ever. Who does that?

    Na – Oh darling. Tutoring is so not the profession for you.

    E – OOOOOH! I HATE that. My IT geeks at work are like that. They just don’t understand that I can’t do anything if my computer breaks. At all.

    Scribbles – They really suck. Before Mr Smaggle I exclusively dated boys with mega baggage. Good ones do exists. Sometimes you have to look a little closer to home to find them. Mr Smaggle and I were friends for four years before we hooked up!

    Grant – Ew… it changed the colour of the carpet? That’s rank.

    Josephine – Ha ha! I know what you mean. I’m guilty of that sometimes though… sorry! I just hate being pounced on the second I walk in the store. But I also hate being ignored. I’m clearly difficult to please. 🙂

    April – Thank god I’m not in retail anymore. It’s so much worse than where I work now.

    Kerrin – Oh don’t buy anything from there again. Why did he yell at you?

    E(ileen) – Ha ha! Yes sooky la la is very common. Well not so common if you’re above the age of 5 but I’m not the most mature of lassies. It’s sort of like a primary school insult. Weird though I never though of it as particularly Australian! You have an Aussie husband? Where are you from?

    Nadist – So you guys wouldn’t say sooky la la in NZ? I don’t know maybe I’m just really immature.

  14. Nadist 15 years ago

    Hey E(ileen) – I don’t know how ‘common’ it is, but I know exactly what sooky la la means. I’d say ‘sook’ myself. (I’m from New Zealand.)

  15. Nadist 15 years ago

    Etymology of ‘sook’ is here:
    http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/sook
    I’ve heard people say sooky la la before, but maybe they were, like, eight. Can’t remember.

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