This is the time of year when you will get photographed the most. It’s also the time of year when you are probably a little more pudgy/sunburned/freckled/pale than you would like. Here are a few tips so that your Christmas snaps look gorgeous and not like celebrity tabloids…
* Always pose. I know it sounds awful but relaxed photos of people are usually horrible. I have an incredibly squishy and highly expressive face so any photo of me that I didn’t pose for usually looks like I have had some severely botched plastic surgery. Just be aware if some one is walking around with a camera and flash them a pearl-er if they take your photo. Simple.
* Practice your smile. I find that a HUGE majorly fake smile looks the most natural on camera. It sounds stupid and I guarantee you will feel like a right arse but it works. If you look like you’re having the best time of your life no one will notice your double chin. Your dazzling smile says it all.
* For full body shots always raise your arms a little off your body. You will feel like a Thunderbird but at least you won’t get that horrible fat thing where your arms just sort of flatten against your body. Another popular pose to avoid tuck shop lady arms is to stand with one hand on your hip, body twisted to the side and your other arm hidden.
* For the family shot always stand to the back so everyone at the front will hide you and all the camera will see is your gorgeous face. But if your family is anything like mine they will all be scrambling for the covetable back spots and because you are one of the youngest you are forced to sit on the ground with your fat rolls all bunched up looking a Christmas elf that had too much pudding. The solution to this problem is to grab the nearest child (cousins are ideal) and plonk them on your lap. All bodily misdemeanors are covered and you get the added bonus of photographic evidence of what a delightful cousin you are taking care of the youngins on Christmas day. This trick has been working for me for years although sadly my youngest cousin is now fourteen. Damn my aunties and uncles for stopping the cycle of procreation!
* Sunglasses are fantastic. I ALWAYS wear sunglasses and I am usually horrified when I see photos of myself sans sunnies with all that face hanging out everywhere. Give this one a try but be warned that grandparents are usually on risky behaviour watch. I get caught by Poppy Smaggle every year trying to wear sunnies in the family photo. He was a photographer so Smaggle family Christmas photos are taken seriously and monkey business such as wearing excessive eyewear is not tolerated.
* Pose to the side. Side poses are usually the most flattering and if you sort of half hide your body behind the person standing next you, you will look TINY. You need to do this with someone who doesn’t know what you are doing though. Mama Smaggle and I tousle for ages trying to shove each other to the front until we just give up and hide ourselves behind some other oblivious victim.
* Don’t slouch. You’ll look like Gollum.
Happy snapping my darlings!