know a lot more things now than I did last year. I knew more things last year than I did the year before. My favourite kind of learning is the kind you don’t know you’re doing. Like when you see a couple fighting and you hear one of them be really unkind to the other one and you decide you aren’t going to be that type of person. Or you say no to going to a music festival with your friends because you decide you don’t fancy them much. As you get older you figure out what’s important and what’s not worth your time. I thought I’d share a few things I’ve learnt in the last few years that maybe you’ve learnt too…
No one actually gives a shit about you
I once listened to a podcast by Sean Wes where he made a mark on a piece of paper every time he thought about his girlfriend. It roughly equalled about 1 minute every hour of the day and that was being generous. He calculated that during his awake hours in one week, at an absolute maximum he thought about his girlfriend for 2 hours all up, over the course of the entire week. And that’s the love of his life. Every time you think someone hates you, is talking about you or is spending every spare hour plotting your demise just think about this Sean Wes experiment. He did a similar experiment with a friend of his who has children and the results were very similar. We spend so little time thinking about the people we love and even less time thinking about the people we hate. We’re all pretty much thinking about ourselves all of the time. The world is full of selfish pricks and you’re one of them. How great is that?
It’s not wise to kiss a cat when you’re wearing lip gloss
It’s a hard habit to break but I find the best way to deal with this issue is just to avoid cats altogether. I’m always wearing lipgloss and my lips can’t not plant themselves on the tender little nose of kitty if they happen to be around. Abstinence is indeed the key to breaking bad habits.
There is nothing more important than spending time with the people you love
When I look back on my life thus far all my favourite moments look really similar. I’m sitting on a my friend’s couch drinking wine and laughing until cab sav comes shooting out my nose. I’m eating dinner at my auntie’s big wooden table and laughing with my cousins every time our mothers say something inappropriate. I’m lying on my parents couch sharing an apple with my dad and binge watching Judge Judy. I’m wandering around a foreign city with Mr Smaggle’s arm around my shoulder, sipping a takeaway coffee and admiring other people’s dogs. I live very far away from most of my people so when I get to see them, I savour it. I never roll my eyes at the thought of a family dinner or dread going to baby showers for my friends. It’s just one more opportunity to hang out with people who delight me.
Very few risks are actually risky… so take more risks
Breaking up with a lovely person isn’t risky because being single isn’t a consequence of anything. Recording a demo album and sending it to producers isn’t risky because you won’t die if they ignore you. Applying for a job you’re not qualified for isn’t risky because if you don’t get, there’s no issue and if you do, you’ll figure out. There’s so little to actually be scared of in this world so save fear for the things that matter like bathroom mirrors in the dark and phone calls when you’re babysitting the neighbours kids. Everything else is easy.
Always wait before you respond
If you get an aggressive message, email or text never, ever respond immediately. Even if you try to keep your tone light and airy it’s still going to sound like you have blood dripping out of your eyes when you respond. Wait. Wait a full day if you can. Then get someone very sensible to read your response before you send it. Never, ever respond to anger with anger. It gets you nowhere.
It’s not cute to like things ironically, just like what you like
I’ve swung between being ashamed of the things I like to being geek girl proud of them and you know what? I don’t give a shit any more. I like musical theatre, frozen lasagna, Judge Judy, Cher, misery literature, shows about serial killers and sour gummy squirms. I also don’t like jazz music, The Bell Jar, oysters, The Wire, sauvignon blanc or fancy restaurants. None of these things make me smart or dumb or adorkable or an idiot. It’s all just preference.
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What things do you know? Any great life lessons you can share and save us a few years of torture trying to figure it out ourselves?
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11 Comments
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I’m so glad you understand the fear around BATHROOM MIRRORS IN THE DARK!!!!!!
Sound advice Lady Smags, I do suffer from thinking that people are thinking about me and this is a good reminder that they are likely not! I’m not thinking about them! And the world would be a whole lot nicer if everyone just waited to respond, even by a few minutes.-
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They are the actual worst. I have no idea how people can go to the bathroom with lights off and the mirror just hanging there ready to kill them. Are they insane? It’s madness!
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<3 love this. Wise lady. Also: totally down with bathroom mirrors in the dark as source of evil. They are truly the worst.
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I can’t understand people who can stand in front of mirrors in the darks. All the bad things live in there.
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Ive never even thought about it… but then I’ve never watched horror movies. I go to the bathroom in the dark all the time lol
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Yeah, I’ve learned to give less effs about what people think about the things I like. Own it, work it, live it.
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I’ve actually been shamed for not liking jazz because I’m into musical theatre and people seem to think that’s somehow related. I’m very organised and jazz music most of the time, is not. It’s as simple as that.
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I can (internally – or with others) debate the merits of starting something, and research, for too long. Nothing gets done by just thinking about it.
On the other hand, some problems I don’t need to get involved in – sometimes they sort themselves out without my help (this ranges from getting involved in kids’ squabbles, work issues that no-one else is paying attention to my calls of ‘it’s urgent – you need to action this, and you’re the only one with delegation’, to on-line arguments. Knowing the difference between what needs my attention, headspace, and action, is key (lifelong lesson).
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Oh lord yes that’s a huge one. It’s all about figuring out where you want to spend your energy and being confident enough to disperse as you see fit… and ignore all the people who think you should be spending it the way they want you to spend it.
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Yes, absolutely! And re. jazz – I would love to love jazz. It seems so appealing, I have someone I used to be good friends with (lost contact for quite a few years but we’ve started to reconnect) who is a gun jazz musician (her upteenth album is coming out, with launch on Friday). I’d love to go and support her, plus hear her play (I can see she is really talented, and I am amazed, especially at her piano skills and creativity in developing new music). My husband loves it too and so I hear it a lot.
But all I hear is kind of background noise, like a sound track in which something else should be happening over the top, and that something else should be the focus (it doesn’t seem to be a something in its own right when I listen to it). I guess I just don’t really get it. But give me a musical, however – or a karaoke machine even – and I’m there!
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It’s just all too messy and I can’t sing along and I get lost and I don’t like not knowing what’s coming up next. Jazz is an emotional nightmare for me.
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