Are you the type of girl who has a handbag full of every emergency fix under the sun? Or are you the type of free spirit who tucks a $50 note into her bra, leaves her handbag on the kitchen bench and doesn’t return home for three days? I’m very much the former. I have little zippered cases inside my everyday handbag with miniature versions of everything: makeup, medication, sewing kit, lip gloss, back up lip gloss, back up lip gloss for my backup lip gloss. It’s all in there. This is why I hyperventilate whenever I have to attend a fancy pants party and my giant leather hobo isn’t invited. I have to cram the essentials into a clutch and it’s enough to give me waves of panic. I HAVE TO TAKE MY MINIATURE JEWELLERY PLIERS!!!! What if my earrings break? I’m seriously unhinged. A little while ago a wrote a list of the things that are utter essentials for a party clutch so I always know what to pack. Here it is.

Condoms

If you’re single or attached condoms are a must. I once gave a condom to the bride at a wedding because in all her nuptial excitement she forgot to take her pill. Also you don’t want to give up a fabulous post party shag or deny anyone else that honour.

Emergency Cash

I always have a $50 note tucked in my clutch so no matter what, I can get a cab home.  It’s worth having back up cash in case the taxi’s eftpos machine is broken or you can’t find an ATM. It’s also helpful if you start a tab by leaving your eftpos card behind the bar and realise as the taxi is dropping you off that your unsettled tab is still holding your card hostage.

Foldable Flats

These are lifesavers. I generally make a rule that my heels have to be comfortable enough to last through several hours of dancing. I strictly save these babies for the walk/cab/train home.

Band Aids

Blisters are like the fun police so Band Aids are a must. They’re also great for a quick hem job if your dress is falling apart. Just use it like sticky tape.

Rosebud Salve

I generally keep my makeup very minimal at fancy parties especially if there’s a dance floor. A dab of Rosebud Salve on my lips and cheeks and I’m fresh as a daisy.

Dry Shampoo

To keep you looking freshly blow waved on the dance floor. I had a friend suggest this and  I though she was mad but I tried it at the last wedding I went to and it completely annihilated that drowned rat look I get when I’ve been hitting the disco moves a little too hard.

Safety Pins

They’re tiny and take up no room in your bag, yet they can solve a multitude of problems. My magic safety-pin once helped a guy doing a presentation to get his SIM card out of his phone and into his bosses phone to get all the data he needed. You should actually never leave the house without safety pins.

Panadol

When you’re fussing around getting ready for an important event it’s easy to forget to eat and hydrate. If I’m going to a wedding, I’ll inevitably get a hunger/thirst headache midway through the ceremony. If I pop a few Panadol it takes the edge off until I can get my hands on water and hors d’oeuvres. Panadol is also great to have in your clutch if you don’t end up going home after the party… saucy!

ID

Even if you’re going to a party with an open bar you still need to take your ID. At the very least so whoever finds your clutch that you drunkenly left on a park bench can track you down and return it the next day. Theoretically speaking of course.

Mints or Gum

Red wine and garlic appetizer breath is foul. As is hungover someone-shat-in-my-brain breath. Mints or gum will keep you going until you can get to a toothbrush.

I usually also have my phone with me and if it’s summer I’ll tuck some blotting papers in there too.

What items make the clutch cut for you? Lipstick? Deodorant? Any sneaky must have items I need to know about?