Today’s rant is dedicated to the stupid whore who tried (unsuccessfully) to spade Mr Smaggle in Ali Baba last week. For my international readers, Ali Baba is a Canberra chain of 24 hour kebab stores that are frequented by hobos and drunkards on Saturday nights. Mr Smaggle and I were included amongst the riff-raff last week, after dancing the night away in a Russian themed bar we stumbled there in search of a gluten-free midnight snack. I minced my way over to the corner (my feet were very angry with me) and sat down while Mr Smaggle ordered. The seemingly innocent girl in front of him (Lets call her ‘Slut’ shall we?) ordered a gluten-free wrap and wasΒ positivelyΒ outraged when they said they didn’t have any gluten-free bread left so she begrudgingly ordered a salad instead. Here is the conversation that insued…
Slut – (to the guy behind the counter) What? You don’t have any gluten free bread? What the hell? Fine. I’ll have a salad… (Her gaze wanders drunkenly over to a rather dapper looking Mr Smaggle)
Mr Smaggle – (Jauntily – to the guy behind the counter) So you don’t have any gluten-free bread then…? No worries I’ll just grab a salad.
Slut – (Trying to be sexy) … I like you…
Mr Smaggle – Hm.
Slut – I’m gluten-intolerant too!Β
Mr Smaggle – Yeah it’s a pain isn’t it…
Slut – Oh my god it’s sooooo annoying …blah blah blah (I don’t actually remember what she said at this point I was busy planning to rip her eyeballs out)
Mr Smaggle – Yep…uh-huh…really…. (Completely uncomfortable and irritated but trying to be polite. Bless him)
Slut – (Receives her food) Nice talking to you… see you later…(trails of suggestively… the tarty strumpet.)
Mr Smaggle – Yep. Bye. (Looks at me and rolls his eyes)
(Slut and Slut’s side-kick both turn to look at me)
Slut’s side-kick – Oh my god. Looks like your gluten-free boyfriend has a girlfriend. You are SO MUCH hotter than her. (Hair flick and strut away)
Seriously how rude is that? It was completelyΒ inappropriate. It was also totally untrue. I’m not saying that in a bitchy mean way but this girl was really plain and took zero pride in herΒ appearance. I won the hotness race by default simply because I wash my hair. It made me so angry that Slut Side-kick automatically started doing the bitch flick at me because I was a ‘threat’ to her friend. Since when did it become acceptable for girls to try and pick up guys who show absolutely no interest in them, and then start abusing their girlfriends because they get shot down? Believe me, Mr Smaggle was not turning her down on my behalf… he generally dislikes messy, intoxicated bitches without my encouragement. The polite thing to do would have been to have swallowed her pride, realised her error and moved onto another tall, slender and gorgeous coeliac. There are plenty of them toΒ go around! But no… the She-devil decides to send her little lap-dog in at her defence. Defence of what? I didn’t do anything! I didn’t even say anything! Mr Smaggle and I left Ali Baba feeling really sorry that horribly deluded girls like that even exist. We were even sadder that they apparently spent their Saturday evenings tormenting perfectly happy couples trying to have a romantic kebab in peace.
Share a rant? Go on! You know you love it!
Love Lady Smaggle
xxxΒ
27 Comments
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& it is girls like THAT, that make me so reluctant to go out past midnight on weekends. I’m 22 but I feel so old around dirty little girls like that… I don’t get the whole acting like an offensive bitch just because you feel threatened. Anyway, you know we all know that you’re gorgeous! Sorry you had to deal with that, though π
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Lady Smaggle, you are like the best friend I never had! How you make me laugh! I completely emphathise with you on this – my boyfriend is oblivious to the slutty wiles of other less, shall we say, classy, women. I, however, have been in this same situation on a couple of occasions and it has taken all my will power not to punch aforementioned tarts in their ‘kebabs’!
She only wishes she was as stylish, funny and gorgeous as you! -
Oh dear … nil social skills practitioners on the loose. I find in any social situation that involves interaction with morons seeking to up their self confidence by trying to dent mine – a great gale of laughter – followed by an “excuse me” leaves them confused as hell. Failing that, a good shin-kicking.
Content yourself thinking about their hopefully horrendous hangovers.
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That is awful! I can only say I guess these girls like to stick together because no one else will put up with them! I wouldn’t defend my friends that way, it’s completely idiotic.
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I have had something similar happen to me; only it was the friend of a guy who I turned down. The friend then decided it was pertinent to scream “You’re way more attractive than him!”
These types of people should be shipped off to Qbn. where they belong!
And Erin is right: that awful girl was just jealous of how freaking amazing you are. Xx
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what a bitch! a jealous one at that, and i hate a bitchy hair flick.
my rant is i’ve only been out once this whole summer as my college friends seem to forever have no money or no desire to go dancing and my school friends are pregnant. also my uni friends as 39593 miles away. boooored! -
I wanted to rant but this line completely changed my mood:
“I won the hotness race by default simply because I wash my hair.”HAHAHAHHAHAAHHAHA!!! Oh my GOSH YOU ARE SO FUNNY! I laughed out loud and everyone in my office looked up at me, but I don’t care cause that is SO FUNNY!
Bless you and Mr. Smaggle, have a good one (o^_^)oo(^_^o)
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*gasp* Those cuntsocks! How dare they!!! If I lived in Australia I’d go find those awful people and tell them off for you.
My rant for the week has to do with the running of the restaurant I work in, as they’re not the best communicators, and the fact that I have to leave my vacation (and boyfriend) Wednesday morning. Boo hoo!
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That’s wretched and totally pointless. I hope you took a smidgen of comfort in knowing that only insecurity can be the root of such outright meanness. Women can be so HORRID to each other.
No rant today but a funny story. Yesterday, Husband Mike and I drove up to a smallish town about an hour from Minneapolis. We’d had a fun afternoon there last Fall and he was jonesing for a day trip. After a horrible lunch and failed record store excursion in said small town, we started walking around the deserted downtown area. A drunk/high/loony dude sitting on a stoop called out to us after we’d passed him, “HEY, are you guys FRENCH?” Husband Mike said something about how yes, we were in town for the French People Convention. “NICE CLOTHES,” Weird Dude shouted. And not in a friendly, complimentary way. We high-tailed it outta there. π
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Oh my goodness,Lady Smaggle – I really understand your rant! Those horrible girls – there was really no excuse for their bad behaviour. The thing is, girls like that have to foist themselves upon nice men, because really, nobody likes them. And they know it.
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Erin – Aw shucks! I totally know what you mean… Mr Smaggle is so innocent. When I point out that a girl was flirting with him he is usually really pissed off because he missed it.
E – Oh shin-kicking. I like that one. I give a pretty good death stare though.
The Clothes Horse – Oh me neither! It’s not he was a single guy we were fighting over. He is already mine! It was really strange.
Katie – It didn’t even hurt my feelings. It just made me really sad for them.
Grant – Blush! I seriously hate that bullshit. The dating game is hard enough so why can’t everyone just play nice?
Selina – Oh poor thing! At least you’re avoiding all the hair flicking bitches!
Nicole – Ha cuntsocks? I love it!
Sal – ha ha! I love ranting lunatics like that. It always makes me smile.
Anairam – It’s true. And Mr Smaggle is such an approachable sweetheart that girls just latch onto him. I actually wish I could help girls with shit self esteem feel better about themselves. But where does one begin?
CJcat – Oh hell yeah! π It was funny though because I think she thought it was competition. Good luck!
Jocelyne – I’m totally thinking the same thing. I’ve tried to pick up unavailable boys in the past and more and often than not I’ve spent the rest of the evening becoming besties with their girlfriends. It a gal snags herself gem of a man than she should be congratulated not bitched at. Oh and I feel sorry for the socially awkward.
Susie – Especially at 1am!
Annie – I built a bridge already I’m so over it!
ShowA59 – I’m glad Hava-rant Monday gave you laugh! π
Na – Oh we LOVE Charming Matt! And don’t tell me you haven’t picked up a guy at Chicken Gourmet in the middle of the night…
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Well, of course you are way hotter than those two. You were having an evening out with the dapper Mr. Smaggle while those two were there dateless, trolling for men. The girl with the great date wins the hottie contest every time. (Hair flip and a snap.)
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I have SO gotten to the age where I would’ve said something. I used to be shy and coy and just let things go, but especially after a few drinks I would’ve, without question giver her a piece of my mind, after she left of corse. Girls are always looking at my Bf too, but luckily San Francisco is full of very polite people generally so I have yet to experience the “bitchyness” that can occur. But if necessary I will bring it, politely.
We did have a really weird and annoying waitress last night that kept walking off before we were done talking to her. My Bf says “is there any reason i should be less then pleased with the circumstance?” And then me, trying to avoid conflict the best I can, “no sweety, everything is fine”. You see, if she would have done something obviously rude, it would have been different, I think she was just really odd and socially awkward. But in the end we did have a good laugh because she was just really WEIRD!
Sounds like Mr. Smaggle handled it in a good way and was as annoyed as you. How do girls end up like that? That is the ultimate question for me, anyone have an idea?
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Anybody demanding frickin’ gluten free bread at a kebab shop has issues…
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Don’t sweat those drunk girls!
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ew. what biatches. and, I mean, lame. who tries to pick up in Ali Baba on a drunken Saturday? that’s like, trying to pick up at the gynaecologist or summat.
I *have* a rant but can’t do it here. let’s just say I was cranky. and then Charming Matt made me chops and poured me wine and made it all better.
[shmoops!] -
What a cow!! So much insecurity out there to try and put someone down top bring yourself up, sorry that happend.
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I hate how girls are so bitchy to each other! When im out im the complete opposite and I love nothing better than to meet a random girl and have a chat!
Don’t worry bout the nasty girls out in civic…It’s not worth it! anyways ur cool! -
That’s really rude – and stupid. Some women have no idea of good behaviour.
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That’s horrible! Some girls are just so incredibly rude – what gives them the right to say that? Argh!
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LOL!
Just think though, Slut made all of your readers have a good laugh. And she isn’t the one with Mr.Smaggle, so stuff her. There was definitely NO lady-like qualities in Slut. Sounds like she needs to go on Ladette to Lady, haha
<3
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holy shit! what a bitch! thats really sad that that happened, and that this girl actually may have walked away from that feeling like she one uped that situation. i hate that, i see it all the time here in my little town (im right outside of DC, with all these rich deluded children with nothing better to do than get high behind barnes & noble on saturday nights). these girls-things- exist every where, sadly, it seems. youre hot, dont let a twat like that make you feel less so!
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Some people just suck.
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Damn it, I always miss have-a-rant monday. I’ll try to get in early next week… my rantings have built up to near explosion point.
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Hailey – Yeah me too. I’m not sorry for but sorry for her.
Tash – You’re from Canberra? Cool! Do we know each other…?
Nadine – I just don’t know why it’s not considered cool to be lovely.
Ivy – Oh I love that show! Although the ladettes are always so lovely deep down I’d hate sic Slut on them.
Julia – It does seem to be smaller cities doesn’t it? I wonder why?
WendyB – Sure do!
Lauren – It’s not too late! You can do it the day after!
Anna – It is a great story isn’t it? Weird shit like that happens to me all the time!
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i’m very sorry that happened to you! must’ve been very annoying, i commend you for not slapping her right in the face! at least you got a great story out of it though, nothing that interesting ever happens round here!
(love the photo too) -
Yes, but what were you wearing?? Also, please advise re Russian style bar.
