Picture from The Situationist
This weeks rant is aimed at the stupid old lady who crushed my friendly spirits while I was on my way to watch a movie this morning. Mama Smaggle and I were making a mad dash across the car park in the rain to get in through the outside doors of the cinema. There were seven glass doors, several had sensors, and despite the fact that our movie was starting in five minutes the doors were very, very locked.
We systematically jumped around trying to activate the sensors and jiggled and bashed the remaining doors trying to get them open. After several minutes, when I started to feel the rain seeping into my underwear, we conceded defeat and made our way back across the car park. Cue Stupid Old Woman and Equally Stupid Eleven Year-old-boy. They walked up seconds after Mama Smaggle and I had finished our failed attempt at ram-raiding the cinema meaning they would have been legally blind to have missed the fact that all seven of the doors were locked. Mama Smaggle and I smiled, laughed and jauntily remarked that the doors were locked and wasn’t that silly and that we would all have to go around the front of the cinema to avoid missing the movie. Stupid Old Woman stared blankly at us for a moment, blinked a few times, said ‘Oh’ and proceeded to systematically jump around trying to activate the sensors and then jiggled and bashed the remaining doors trying to get them open. Well done, you stupid cow. Obviously Mama Smaggle and I spend our days performing a strange charade of door jiggling trying to convince innocent passers-by that the doors are locked when in actual fact they are open. We then seduce them into walking the long way into the venue. Not only inconveniencing ourselves but also our victims, we ruthlessly lead people astray in our torrid game of time wasting. What a douche-bag. Why on earth would we LIE about that? Mama Smaggle and I maturely left the dumb-arse duo behind and quickly went to buy tickets. We ran into Dumb and Dumber in the foyer a few minutes later and the smaller of the two remarked ‘Those doors were locked!’. You think? Loser.
Please share your gripes in Hava-rant Monday – I promise you’ll feel better!
Love Lady Smaggle
xxx
11 Comments
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Oh, my first Smaggle rant, here goes. While shopping at Myer the other day at the hosiery counter, I overheard the sales woman telling a 90 year old lady that, “No one makes girdles with suspenders anymore, that is so old fashioned. You have to wear Stay up stockings.” The poor woman was horrified (not surprisingly) and was told, “that’s too bad, you’ll just have to get over it and get used to it!” Of course, I couldn’t let this bald faced insult go past and promptly butted in to offer my sartorial services. I quite publicly provided both this lady and all the other shoppers with the details of local lingerie stores that carried what they wanted and had much better service. Even going so far as to ring one of the stores on my mobile and confirm the availability of just the item she was after. Take that Myer girl!
XXX Super Kawaii Mama XXX
http://www.superkawaiimama.blogspot.com -
I don’t usually buy into the whole “Monday is a cursed and wretched day” mentality, but today it seemed as though the day itself was ganging up on me. I slept in meaning I didn’t have time to make my lunch, my bus just never showed up, I got to spend all morning doing menial jobs like testing faulty toys and DVDs, then on the way home the bus driver ‘Terminated’ the evenings service because his windscreen wipers were crooked and there for mortally dangerous. I wore Chuck Taylors which are NOT water resistant at all and the sandwhich I bought from the servo nextdoor was less than fresh!!! Now I get why everyone hates Mondays!
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… the sandwich buying lady in the queue who couldn’t get her head around vegginess – “so tuna would be OK?” (no), “ummm chicken?”, (no) “I know – prawn mayo!” (NOOOOOOOOO) …
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Oh, Lady Smaggle, it is horrible when people question our honesty, integrity & good intentions! But will you be very cross if I offer an alternative perception? Maybe the Old Lady did not think that you were lying to her, maybe she just thought that perhaps she would have the Knack. (All doors come with a built-in Knack Factor …) And then she could save all four of you from drowning or whatever. Of course she was wrong, so who do you think felt a Great Big Fool? She did – and so you should feel sorry for her, not cross!
I hope at least you enjoyed the movie! -
Oops. I think I meant ‘perspective’. In my comment above. Well, I am ill, WITH a fever, so do not blame me for being a wee bit befuddled …
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One
Holding door open. People walk through. Nothing said. Commentary – it is not my job to hold the door for you; I am being polite. Now you be polite and say thank you or something (you horrible, horrible people).Two
Walk down street to find ATM. ATM is gone. See people walking down, street is dead end, clearly looking for ATM. Tell them, the ATM is gone. They look at me funny. Continue. I say, the ATM isn’t there. They walk past. Keep walking. Get to end of street, see no ATM, walk back up.What the hell???
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Super Kawaii Mama – Oh well done you. There really is nothing like bad service is there?
Grant – Oh that sounds like a bad day. I hate doing menial tasks.
E – Ha ha! Vegetarian prawn sauce! That’s hilarious!
Anairam – Oh don’t say that! Now I feel bad! And I’ll have to think way more carefully in the future about the victims of my Hava-rant Monday rants.
The Sunday best – Oh my god I HATE THAT!!! Seriously just a smile will suffice.
Ambika – Oh poor kitty. I love my kitten but I hate him very much when he does that.
The Clothes Horse – People with no spacial awareness make me so angry.
Fifi – Oh honey! How frustrating for you!
Mrs Munk – Oh back stabbing cow beware. I hate nasty co-workers. It’s just not cool. I mean you’re all miserable being there – why add to it?
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My only rant is aimed at my cat, who would not *shut up* between 4 & 7AM this morning. What a way to start the week…
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People should be more observant! Seriously.
Here’s my rant: stupid pack of lacrosse females. If must you exit both entrance doors in a huge swarm, after someone else has already started to enter, at least please keep your arms by your sides so you don’t smack said entering person across their front. You see, most people don’t like being hit, especially by idiots… -
i HATE people who insist on talking to you when you’re CLEARLY trying to read… Yesterday I was trying to make time while sitting waiting go faster by reading a lovely collection of essays by the lovely David Hare… There is nothing worse than having to constantly look up from your lovely lyrical prose to answer questions like ‘so what did you have for lunch today…?’, ‘what time do you think we’ll get out of here…?’ or worst ‘so… what are you reading…?’ NOTHING YOU DOUCHE-I CAN’T GET A SENTENCE FINISHED COS YOU KEEP TALKING TO ME!!!
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my rant is aimed at the back stabbing cow I work with. She has been here about 2 months (as opposed to my 2 years) and decided the best way to get in good with the boss is to bad mouth all of the people who work in her section – myself included. And now she expects me to help her when she doesn’t know how to do soemthing because she is “the new girl”??? What the??? Well, maybe I will help you, you silly bitch. I will help you receive my foot up your ass. Right after i go to senior management to dob on you. Yes, very mature I know (never ever get on a cranky pregnant ladys bad side people. you will regret it) but I feel it is my duty.
sorry for the mega harsh rant. I promise next week will be a nice rant 🙂
