This weeks rant is aimed at a very specific mutant-douche who has been bothering me for a week. He wrote possibly the rantiest email I have ever read outlining all the reasons why I suck and that he hates my institute and he is going to, I don’t know, send me anthrax or something.
For EVERY SINGLE COMPLAINT HE MADE I had a perfectly reasonable and understandable explanation as to why the event had occurred. Let me provide you with a dramatised version of the email chatter I’ve been experiencing. Lets say I work in an ice cream store… and theoretically you can send ice cream cones through the post and pre-order them online. Come on! Just humour me here…
Mutant-douche – (pre-order email) I would like a double scoop chocolate cone. Please send it to 8 Wank Face Parade.
Lady Smaggle – (sends cone)
Mutant-douche – I didn’t get my double scoop chocolate cone.
Lady Smaggle – I sent it to the address that you provided. 8 Wank Face Parade.
Mutant-douche – My address is 3 Wank Face Parade.
Lady Smaggle – (sends cone back to 3 Wank Face Parade)
Mutant-douche – (sends ranty email that goes something like this…) Dear Bitch Face, you are an incompetent whore. Why didn’t you use your ESP to figure out that my address is actually 3 Wank Face Parade not 8 Wank Face Parade? And when I didn’t get my double scoop cone why didn’t you send me another one? It’s completely unacceptable for you to think that it is MY responsibility to tell you that I haven’t received my mail. Burn in hell you Ice Cream Wench.
Lady Smaggle – (forwards many emails containing proof that Mutant-Douche is a big fat liar) Please see the forwarded emails proving that what you are saying is incorrect.
Mutant-douche – I didn’t read anything you just wrote because I’m SO FULL OF BLIND RAGE. (This is an actual quote) Seriously, how hard is it to get an address right? (pretty damn difficult when you send me THE WRONG ADDRESS!!!) I have reported you to the Ice Cream Queen and you shall be damned to hell for all eternity where they will pelt you with chocolate sprinkles and scald your skin with hot fudge sauce.
I wrote a generic ‘please call me if you wish to discuss this further’ email because I have absolutely no interest in wasting any more time on the Mutant-Douche.
I can’t stand people with blind rage. When they are so angry that no explanation will help and they just want to yell at people. It makes me wonder if he does this to everyone? I used to work in a section of a mall where everyone who worked in the stores knew each other. There was this one lady who would do the rounds every Saturday morning and complain at every store she went in to. We used to call ahead to warn each other that she was on her way. She once complained to my manager that I rolled my eyes at her. Then she went to the supermarket (where my best friend worked) and accused her of breaking her glasses. I actually saw her a few years after this incident and she’s in a wheelchair now. Karma…
Are people trained to be like this? Or are they born like it?
What about you angel face? What’s troubling you this week? Let it all out! It’s terribly therapeutic!
Love Lady Smaggle
xxx
17 Comments
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I would love to, but I’m scared if I start I’ll never stop..
The short version – apparently my ex boss thinks that inappropriate touching and conversation is not sexual harassment, is just ‘what he does to every employee that he likes’. So now I have to go to court and recount every little disgusting instance to a heap of strangers so they can decide whether or not his behaviour made me uncomfortable…
not. coping. well. today.
PS: Blind rage-ers are quite good for a giggle a little further down the track. “Remember Mr Mutant-douche? What a wankface he was. *giggle*”
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ugh, I just got an ebay package returned to me that I’d sent out WEEKS ago – I did some investigating to see what went wrong, and, ok, I wrote her address down wrong… but when I checked the two emails that ebay sends to tell you the buyers address (one when they first win it and one when they pay) – they were two completely different addresses. wondering why she hadn’t complained about not getting her package, I noticed that she had given me postive feedback – “love the skirt! fast postage, thanks!” for a skirt which was sitting on my desk. ummm… so I emailed her asking whats up and she said that she has been away from home for months so didn’t notice it hadn’t been sent. then gave me a THIRD address to send it to. I mean, nothing bad has come out of it, in fact it’s good that she for some unknown reason gave me pretend good feedback, but so many things about the whole situation are just leaving me completely confuddled. who orders stuff on ebay if you know you’re not going to be there to get it? who gives good feedback before they receive an item?
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by the way, I just realised that I’ve been commenting on your blog with an incorrect link. I am not Alison Bell from Ireland! haha. the link on this comment is correct.
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I want an icecream cone that comes in the post – I love getting letters and ice cream
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I’m hearing you- students huh! At least it’s not snooty academics 7 hours a day 😉
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My rant is that they put out the wet floor sign in the mall after I’d gone ass over in the puddle… It was incredibly hard getting home with crutches on public transport and I have to go for a knee xray tomorrow 🙁
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lol, oh that’s great! you don’t work at centrelink do you? 😛 they seem to attract stupid people (no offence to anyone intended, i myself am totally taking free money from the government! yay!)
also, you’ve already heard my rant for today, i think two in one day is just greedy.
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I deal with these sorts of wankers on a daily basis. Literal wankers in my case, who are complaining because their fake vagina has a weird plastic smell (REALLY???) or that their porn contains Chinese girls and Philipino girls, but no Thai girls! You just have to breathe deeply and trust that they are miserable and unfulfilled and that they will get the karma with interest.
And what’s troubling me? It’s a little raunchy; but there’s a guy I’m having a beer with later this week who I’m “interested” in; but he’s in his thirties and my friends are all expressing their concern…
Xx
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Oh I looooove people who fail to communicate effectively, and then yell at YOU for not reading their minds. I’ve got a coworker who does this daily. We call her The Troll.
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hahahaha i adore this post!!! wank face parade, genius!!!
i read it at the right time too because i am super huffy! my sister is pretty naive about everything (she didn’t know the capital of american… oh help!) and when i give her a load of advice she’ll brush it off or give up, i.e. after 3 weeks of my maths tutoring she gives up and drops the subject ahhhh what a watse of time!! i vow to never help her again but then i can’t help but to when she has no clue about something otherwise arghhhh
also the guy next to me on the train who said to his collegue ‘this coffe is disgusting, gosh it’s awful!! i’ve never tasted something this bad since my first cigarette! urgh it’s it disgusting! urrrgh!’
and he continued to slurp it all!!
also the woman who randomly said ‘those will rot your teeth young lady!’ in the newsagents when i bought some sweets for the train, then bought a packet of cigarettes! touche my friend!oh how i love your hava-rant posts!
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I love your hava-rant posts! I’m not the ranty type, more of a whiner, but here goes . . .
I’ve lost my textbook, nothing seems to fit right, my house is really messy, the school year is going to go by sooooo slowly, I hate math. The End. -
Oh goodness, I didn’t have a rant until I came back from work. One of my jobs is calling prospective students to come to my university. Well one mother answered the phone, I asked for her kid, she said the kid wasn’t there and asked who was calling. I said my name and that I was a student from (blank) university and asked if there was a better time to call back. She replied “Yeah… LIKE NEVER!” and hung up on me! That bitch! How dare she!
We don’t ask for money, it’s purely a “you’ve expressed interest in our university, are you interested/do you have any questions we can answer?” Rawr. Not very happy right now. I could certainly use an ice cream sent to me in the mail about now…
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That man sounds terrible. Can’t people get mad without attacking others?
I try to console myself when people act like this with the thought “they must be having a really bad day.” -
Yeah, road-ragers too. What’s the deal? Life is too sweet for that.
All right, I have some peeves I’ve like vent about.
Apologies to anyone I offend if you do any of these things–in your defense I think it’s lame to get peeved over stuff.
Girls wearing racerback tops with regular as opposed to racerback bras make me twitch.
R sounds pronounced in words they don’t belong: fermiliar (familiar), phertographer (photographer)
When people say (or write), “Mr. Smith and I,” when they ought to say, “Mr. Smith and me.” This happens in photo captions a lot. You don’t point to a photo and say, “Here is a picture of I,” so you don’t say, “Here is a picture of Mr. Smith and I.” It sounds foolish.
Insular, cliquish, and/or snobby bloggers. I won’t name names but it’s none of you. Sometimes I feel like I’m back in middle school.
Ahh… It feels good to get those off my chest! Now let’s have a glass of wine and watch Project Runway on DVR. 😀
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Song – Oh my goodness that’s terrible! I hope it all goes well for you. I mean as well as something like that can go. Makes my rant seem way less severe! 🙂
Ali – How weird? Why on earth did she give good feedback? That’s mental. It could have been a lot worse though.
Dr Stumpy – Actually I want one of each right now.
Tenith – I work for Academics! The morons who have so many degress they can’t fit them on their shelf but none of them have a shred of common sense. It’s SO FRUSTRATING!!!
Scribbles – On no! How awful for you! Feel better soon Scribbler!
Jospehine – Ha ha no I don’t work in Centerlink but I did read the other day that 40% of centrelink employees have been physically abused at work. By customers. How scary is that?
Grant – Ha ha! That’s hilarious. I can’t believe people complain about the smell of a fake vagina. Don’t let age fool you my love… Mr Smaggle and I have a rather significant gap between us and it’s total bliss!
Sal – Perfect terminology!
Selina – OH MY GOD! My brother is totally the same. Ha ha! Like cigarettes are any better! I hate people that go on and on about stuff!
KD – Oh that scares me slightly. I’m hopefully studying next year (away from Mr Smaggle) and I want to years to fly like they are now… I’ll let you know how I hold up!
Nicole – Oh it’s so rude isn’t it? If you had their name and everything then what was her problem? It’s not like you were telemarketing or anything
The Clothes Horse – Can you console yourself with that if you receive abuse everyday for a week? I’m chalking up to the fact that he’s a wanker.
Annie Spandex – Wine and Project Runway? Can I come? And I totally know what you mean about insular and cliquish bloggers… sometimes you feel a little like the last kid picked for P.E!
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Ugh that is so brutal!!!
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Ugh that’s so annoying! I hate when people get angry over misunderstandings and just blame someone else for something that was totally their fault. I don’t get it.
P.S. Wank Face Parade? Haha yes.
